A Wild Rose

13 - No

Chapter 13

No

"No."

"Ada, I'm sorry, but -"

"No! You're lying!"

Before I knew what I was doing, I was pounding my fists into Alexander's chest. It couldn't be true. He had to be lying. I wouldn't let it happen. Tears were pouring out in saddened horror, and I couldn't stop them. I wasn't sure if I'd ever stop.

It was only when Alexander firmly grabbed my wrists to hold be still that I pulled away from him, making no attempt to attack, only holding my face in my hands as I wept.

"Ada, please, there's nothing either of us can do." Oh, but there was. For one, he could seem a lot more troubled by it. He seemed so calm and collected, as if it were only a casual affair. If only. This wanted to make me wrench my heart out and cut it into pieces for the emotions it was letting flood through my body. What were emotions but the entertainment of the mind? When your head felt pleasant, it decided to make you feel the same, enjoying the moments it saw happiness. If your mind got tired of it, it would cause an uproar of pain and sorrow to laugh at as you felt tortured with agony.

It was now that my mind was displaying the biggest show in its whole collection. I couldn't breath. I couldn't think. I couldn't stand properly. I couldn't stop trembling. And I couldn't stop hating myself for not seeing it coming. Of course I had known something strange was going on. Something absurdly wrong. Ever since George backed away from me so fearfully on the night of the ball, ever since Suzanna had cried and told of her worry at my own home, I had known the devil was up to his work. And I had let the devil run wild without so much as a second glance.

Now it was too late. The devil had caused his havoc, and had returned to the burning pits of fire which he called home. I couldn't stop wishing that I could follow him. And the worst part was knowing I couldn't. The worst part was knowing that I'd have to live through it - that I'd have to talk about it, and think about it, and remember every last thing about it.

It was night time - I had come as soon as I had heard, for I had been told of the seriousness the the matter. But even then, I hadn't fully understood just how serious this was. I didn't understand how unable to cope with it I would be.

"Ada." Those words. Too soft. Too gentle. Too frightening.

I turned right away, looking into the the blackness which drowned the corridors leading off into the winding depths of the palace. I wondered if, maybe if I kept running, I would be enveloped by the darkness, and it would choose to keep me. It seemed better than anything that lay ahead of me now.

But I had to see. Before anything else happened, I had to see. I had to know. Which was why I gained my breath, letting the oxygen pound through my veins, before darting across the marble floor, and running up the staircase. I could hear Alexander calling after me to stop, but his voice was drained out by the screaming in my head that told me I had to see. Before I saw anything, I wouldn't believe anything. How could I?

I stumbled all the way, falling onto the wooden door as I turned the shining knob, expecting to see the worst, wishing with every part of me to see the lie. And of course I saw neither.

I didn't see it, just lying there limply. But I didn't see it, just being there normally either. Instead, I saw furniture covered in white cloths, everything hidden from sight. I wasn't supposed to be in here. But I had to see. Nothing definitely told me it was true, but it was so hard to deny. Everything pointed towards it. There were no flaws in the case, no give away signs that it was all a trick.

Yes it is a trick, I told myself. it's a trick, and everything will be normal by morning, you'll see. You'll come out of this palace laughing at what a gullible fool you looked like to believe it, and you'll know that you are ok. You'll know that life is worth living. You'll know that you're safe here. But I had never believed I was safe here before. To argue, I had never believed such a worst outcome possible would ever happen. But that was because I had trusted. I had put my faith in this place to keep its grand words of safety and love. Look how badly that promise had been kicked, punched, and buried into the dry soil.