The Essence of Josh

Prologue

   It started back when I was only four years old. 

That was the beginning. At the time I was unaware, as any four year old would be. I didn't know how much danger surrounded me. 

And I sure didn't know at the time that I would become very close with that danger. Close enough for it to breath down my neck. 

I was pulling my scrappy metal wagon down the driveway. My feet bare, short black hair falling over my face. My green t-shirt was soaking wet, and three sizes too big. I'd just gotten back from playing in the ditch across the road. 

Of course, at the time, I'd called it my "river" and not a ditch. But that's what it was. Disgusting brown water that came from God knows where. For me, it was heaven. In my wagon, I had big rocks, discovered on the road. The kind Mama would be proud to have in her garden. I went as fast as I could over the gravel, so excited to show her what I'd found. 

I giggled to myself, looking at the sky as it turned shades of pink and orange. Looking back, it was just another perfect night for me. 

Keyword: me. 

Papa found me pulling my wagon up the steps of the porch. He gave me a huge smile as he scooped me into strong arms. He kissed me all over the face and I laughed, pushing him away. 

His eyes were bright as he said, "I wanna show you something pumpkin."He slung me over his back and jogged towards the horse paddocks. I peeked over his shoulder as we slowed to a stop. I watched the horses, their tails flicking. I was quick to point out the horse Collin had just had me leading last week. Papa slowly grabbed me from his back, setting me gently on the ground. He bent down next to me and pointed. 

A burly palomino colt trotted from around my Mama's previously fat mare.

 I gasped quietly. The foal approached us cautiously, and I saw that he had a thick white blaze going down his face.

"That one will be all yours Sadie," He proudly announced. I turned and looked at him wide-eyed, excited as a puppy.

"Thank you, Papa!" I leaped onto him, and he fell onto his back. The foal spooked and galloped back to his mama. Papa and I just laughed. We sat in the grass for a while and I pestered him about names.

"How about Buddy?" I asked.

"You'll hate that when you're older." He laughed.

"Hmm," I said. Papa was always right.

"How about Trouble?"Papa smiled and nodded.

"It's perfect. Look at how he's already bothering his mama." He pointed towards my colt, who was cantering around his mother nipping at her ever so slightly. 

I giggled."Trouble it is." Papa agreed. Soon enough the sky was dark. Papa slung me onto his back again and we ran to the house, laughing all the way. 

As Papa and I came around the back porch we heard a scrambled voice. The voice Mama used when the potatoes weren't doing so good.

"What's wrong?" I asked innocently as she came into view. Mama's eyes were wide and scared. Tears already ran down her face. Papa dropped me quickly and I landed softly in the grass, my eyes never leaving Mama. He ran up the steps to her and led her by the elbow into the house. I sat there for a second, a little bit angry that I didn't get to be included in the conversation.

 I stood up and walked onto the porch. Careful not to step on the creaky third board. I put my ear close to the door trying to catch parts of their sentences.

"...it's been hours-"

"-and you're sure he's not around here."

Then it was silent. Papa rushed out the screen door. Surprised when he found me there. My mouth formed an o. 

He scooped me up in his arms like a baby and dumped me on the couch where he tucked a blanket around me. Papa quickly flicked on the TV to my favorite channel. He kissed me on the forehead and then left the room. Mama then came in and shakily sat next to me. 

She tried to hide her fear but failed miserably.

"Mama, what's wrong?" I asked innocently, more confused than anything.

"Nothing's wrong Sadie. I'm sure everything will be just fine. Mrs. Dolores is coming over tonight to keep an eye on you. Papa and I have to go out and do something."

I liked Mrs. Dolores, she fed me sweets and let me stay up way past my bedtime. But tonight I just wanted to stay with Mama and Papa.

"Why can't I come?" I whined. Mama ran a hand down her face, trying her best to come up with a believable excuse.

"Because muffin, we're going to be out in the dark. And you hate the dark." This, of course, made sense to me, she was correct. I hated the dark. 

Mama kissed me slowly on the forehead, both her hands holding my little head. Then Papa came back into the room, his boots stomping loudly. He threw a coat over his shoulder, lantern in hand. 

Mama pat my leg and jumped up from the couch, grabbing her coat and a flashlight. 

And then they were out the back door and gone.