Reverie

Chapter 21

Chapter 21 (Fida's Pov)

(continuation from last chapter
In the present setting)

Everything is confusing when you forget what you should remember. I figured I should do something about this instead of avoiding him. The one and only husband. I thought of things I could ask him before making an decision.

But I've already asked him about our marriage and how we met. But I dont know what I should do. Should I just go live with him? To continue from where we left? I don’t even remember my married life at all. How could we resume it?

The only solution is to get married again. But that makes me look desperate. I don’t want that. So, I went my parents to discuss exactly that.

"What? Marry again?" My dad exclaimed.

"It's just seems appropriate thing to do" I replied.

"It cost a lot of money to hold another wedding ceremony!  We have already spent a lot on your medical bills!" My mum said, sounding exhausted.

"I don't need a ceremony or a big wedding. Just a wedding registration will do. And nikkah at the masjid"

"Your marriage is already registered. How can you register again?" My
Mum asked.

"Uh..  just nikkah then?" I asked, too unsure of what I'm asking for.

"Fida..."

"Yes?"

"What do you really want to do?" My mum asked me, now in a softer voice.

"I-"

I hesitated. I really don't know what to say. Its not like making life decisions was very easy for me before I lost my memory.

I tried to collect my thoughts. Do I like him? Now? I don't know. He seems kind and understanding but to marry him? I'm lost. I can't decide. He had once left me when I need him the most. He himself said it. That's a big no for me. But he apologised and told me his reason. It's fine and I accepted.

I accepted his apology because what else can I do? I'm stuck in whether I should get back with Him or not. I'm afraid I might waste his time just by thinking over this too much. But its my life too! I need to make the right decision. I don’t even know what I can do for myself.

I told my mum I will rethink about it. I went to my room and called Irfan.

"Hello. Who's this?" He asked as soon as he picked the call.

"Its me" I answered.

"Its me, who?"

"Fida. Its Fida. You don't know me? My number?" I asked forgetting if I ever gave him my number.

"I didnt see the calller ID. I'm working."

"Well I need to talk to you"

"Yes, talk"

"Face to face"

"You want me to switch to video call?"

"Nonono. In person."

"Ah ok! I can pick you up at 6"

"Tou didn't ask what is it about"

"What is it about?"

"I'll tell you when we meet." I paused,  "And don’t need to pick me up. We meet near my house park"

"Ah okay. I got to go. Bye. Salam."

He hung up the phone before I returned his salam.

I informed my parents that I'm meeting Irfan in the park.

~

I reached the park quite early. I took a seat and watched people passing by.

Irfan arrived shortly. He definitely looked like he came from work.

"Hey.." he waved awkwardly.

"Mm" I nodded.

This talk is going to be tough one. Hopefully, its not a bad decision.

After Irfan rambled about his work, I began to tell him why I called him here.

"I thought of what to say multiple times. Questioned myself a lot. Even asked my parents if I should just get married to you."

"What?" He asked, confused.

"What I'm saying is I chose not to get married to you again. Well at least for now."

His facial expression starts to change. A mixture of confusion and worry.

"Look. Its a very hard decision to choose to find myself first. I've lost my memory. I don’t remember you. Not even a bit. I don’t want to burden you with this thought of me just continue living with you. It's not right. I'm yet to recover. I still have to find what I can do in this life. Try to get back on my own feet. Find out what I've liked to do and whether or not I still want to do them. I dont have a meaning to live. Not yet. So I think its appropriate that we shouldn't rush this. And for you. You can either choose to wait or get married to someone else. I won't stop you. After all this is your life too. I dont want to be selfish. And if you were really married to me you could understand this much"

"Are you done?"

"No."

"I believe you said all you wanted to say."

"No"

"What else can you say? Huh? What else? To lose you again? To suffer again? You might lost your memories but I didn't, Fida. How can I just move on?" He got up in frustration.

"If you didn't lose your memories, how could you leave me?" I asked him in low voice.

" I've told you many times that YOU threatened me with knives and chased me out." He said getting annoyed.

" I wasn't on my right mind!" I shouted.

I burst into tears. This shouldn't be happening. No no no. This is not how it supposed to go.

"Fida-"

"I don't remember anything. I'm sorry. Its best to let me go. Forgot about me" I said wiping my tears.

I couldn't be mad at him. It's my fault. Not his. I don't deserve any of this. He deserves someone better. Someone that could actually remembers. Not me.

I left the park, leaving him in the dark.

Before I go back to my house, I sat in a staircase and fried my eyes out. I wish things to be easier. How do I face him, again?

_____
A/N:

Finally, updating this book.

Do vote, comment and share.

Bashayar.