• f o u r •
Feeling the entire table's eyes on her, Taylor kept her head down.
She wrapped her arms around herself and tried her best to keep her threatening tears clear our of her eyes. This was definitely not the time to cry.
It wasn't the time to see Karlie again either.
Everything had happened much too fast for her mind and feelings to register it all. Even the simple handshake Karlie wanted was out of Taylor's reach to coincide. She just couldn't do it.
If she did, she knew it would've ended in her never letting go, asking her too many questions in front of everyone and losing her sane mind that with each passing day became rarer.
The way Karlie laid her eyes on her made her feel unstable, longing, angst and more pain if possible.
Taylor wasn't sure exactly what it was that reflected off of those green embers she'd missed so much upon her own.
And what it made her feel.
Bursting open the bathroom door just a little too hard, she was relieved to see it was empty.
The cold air from a vent on the old tiled ceiling pricked at her skin like ice water.
Making her heart pain grow.
She felt so alone, and now looking at herself in the mirror, resting her hands on the side of the white porcelain sink, she realized just how much of a slave she was to her emotions.
And her emotions a slave to the brunette just outside the doors.
The same girl that had broken her a long while ago.
The same girl she had loved just a little too much, but didn't mind.
Staring back at her was a Taylor that seemed so distant and blurred. No longer that strong self assurance lingered around, the person that would always smile back to strangers.
Her usual glow was gone, and it had been for a long time.
And it was all because of Karlie.
Damn her.
Although, after all her own self denial, she tried to convince herself that she hated her.
She wanted to hate her with every single guilt of sadness that had built up over time.
So she did.
She hated Karlie.
No- she hated the fact that she still loved her.
Now with even more desire than ever before.
Her heart felt like unleashing all the longing she felt for the girl, running out of the bathroom and take Karlie away, not even ask questions. But all her questions could be answered with her sweet lips.
Carefully caressing her hurt heart and lips, wrapping themselves against her own.
But at the same time, she just wanted to run away.
Not from Karlie but from herself.
In taking a deep breath, she rubbed her eyes and tried to clear her mind even for a few moments.
Just as she was heading for the exit, she heard the door shut once more.
Quickly composing herself, she looked up and saw Karlie, as if she had jumped out from her thoughts. Her heart immediately dropped to her stomach and her throat into a knot.
Karlie stood in front of the door way, blocking Taylor from leaving. Her eyes full of hope, shinning even through everything she'd been through also. This could be a new beginning, she thought. With a shaky voice, Karlie spoke.
"H-Hey. Um, how are you doing, are you okay?"
With shaking hands, she pulled her sweater sleeves down onto her fingers and crossed her arms, attempting to make herself feel assured. Karlie knew that she had no space to talk to Taylor, without a proper explanation. But she didn't know what else to do. In her mind, it was known she deserved to be left hanging like she had been, but trying wouldn't hurt. Not as much as it did inside.
Taylor simply stared blankly. No signs of emotions in her blue eyes, something that surprised Karlie, she had always been so translucent. But now it was as if she felt no emotion.
Stern tone and direct gaze, Taylor replied with the most careless tone she could muster.
"Excuse me, please."
"Taylor, I'll move in a second but please don't-"
"I need to get back to the table if you don't mind."
Taylor interrupted, once again startling Karlie at the manner in which she was being spoken to.
Clearing her throat, Taylor tried to move past the taller girl, but Karlie stood in her way, determined to not let this one chance slip.
"Please give me a chance to talk, just one minute. That's all I ask from you."
Karlie wouldn't remove her eyes from Taylor's, even if the blonde tried everything in her will to not look back into them, because she knew she would end up giving in surrender, and that's not what she wanted to do, she wanted Karlie to hurt just like she had done.
Taylor scoffed, hinting at ridicule to Karlie.
"You want a minute to talk?! After all this time, you left me and now you want a minute?"
"Yes! You have to learn my side of the story first Taylor, you can't just assume I did it because I wanted to!"
Karlies words echoed through the bathroom, and she was being honest.
"Taylor. Please."
Finally losing her pride, Taylor looked up to the woman who'd made her hurt so much.
"You can't say you didn't want to, I'm sure you weren't forced, in the end it was your choice. I want you out of my life, just as fast as you entered into it back again."
By now, Karlie's eyes glistened. She tried to keep her composture after hearing the words that had shattered her completely.
"Let me explain to you."
Pursing her lips, Taylor gave an unsincere laugh, tensed and angry, at herself for not being able to understand as much as she wanted to.
"You know damn well you don't deserve not even a glance from me anymore, I offered you everything I ever could, and you turned it down."
This time, Karlie didn't protest, she knew the other girl wouldn't let her speak, not even if she explained the world to her.
Instead, she stood broken at the doorway, looking down at the love of her life slip away, and she was letting her do it. She was tired, but she was still in love. The tears once again welcomed upon her cheek, embarrased and regretful.
It pained Taylor to say these words to her, but her anger had won her over, it had been ages since they've spoken, left abruptly. She wished they could've met again under a different circumstance, so they could have talked things out. But everything had happened so fast, and the hate was pulsating through Taylor's body like a hearbeat.
Broken voiced, Karlie met sad blue eyes.
"You can't blame me for chasing something I've wanted my entire life."
Taylor's lips shivered.
"I thought you wanted me."
"I do."
Shaking her head, Taylor bumped past Karlie, giving her a last glance.
"You don't Karlie, you proved it very well."
•••
