𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 [✓]

14. Hollow

Warnings: eating disorders

If you are at all sensitive to the topic of eating disorders please do not read this. Just keep in mind that you are all gorgeous no matter your size. I love you all. (that's incredibly hypocritical of me because I literally hate myself but it's fine)

Jonah's PoV

Y/n slipped out of my grasp again, sending me a weak smile before ducking off to the bathroom. The boys tried to include me in their conversations but I couldn't focus on anything but the look of dread on my girl's face as her food was set in front of her. She'd gotten soup and a small salad, only picking at it before excusing herself.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about her. Ever since I got back from tour with the boys, I'd noticed that she wasn't eating as much. She passed on breakfast nearly every day, had much smaller portions for lunch and blanched at the sight of dinner. But that was normal right? She'd always done that, right?

She was hardly letting me touch her anymore. We hadn't done anything since I'd gotten back. Not that I wanted to pressure her into anything like that but every time we got into that mood, she'd excuse herself from the situation with a flimsy excuse.

Just when I was getting concerned about the length of time she was spending in the bathroom, y/n slid into the booth next to me, smelling of too much perfume.

I pulled her into me, trying to blame her shivering on the air-conditioned restaurant. "You okay, love?"

She nodded.

"Didn't eat very much," I mumbled, kissing the top of her head.

Y/n tensed a little, just enough to think I may just have imagined it. "I think I'm coming down with something." She murmured unconvincingly.

"Do you want to get home then?"

Y/n nodded, sighing quietly.

I threw a twenty on the table and leaned over to the boys to let them know we were leaving early. They smirked cheekily, Corbyn daring to push a little more. "Please keep the nastiness to your own room. We don't need a repeat of the kitchen debacle."

I scoffed, shoving his shoulder playfully. "There will be no nastiness Corbitch. Y/n's just not feeling good. And if I remember correctly, y/n and I weren't the only ones who've done the dirty in the kitchen. I remember a particular walk-in on somebody nearly breaking the dining table-"

Corbyn rolled his eyes, flushing slightly. "Shut up, Hoenah."

I chuckled and slid out of the booth, lacing my fingers through y/n's. "See you guys in a bit."

***

Y/n disappeared into our room almost as soon as we walked through the door. I sighed, slamming the door behind me before following her. "Y/n?" I called out, knocking on the door. "Can I come in?"

"It's your room." Y/n's voice was soft, soft enough that I could hardly hear her.

I pushed open the door. Y/n lay curled on our bed, wrapped around her pillow. I frowned, pressing the back of my hand to her forehead. She wasn't hot or anything. "Baby, do you want to watch a movie or something?"

She shook her head. "I just wanna sleep."

I nodded, plopping down next to her and pulling her into my arms. She sighed and nuzzled into my chest. I pressed my lips to her hair. "Sleep well, angel."

***

I woke to an absence in my arms. My hands patrolled through the covers, seeking y/n's soft form, finding only emptiness. The mattress was still warm though and I breathed in her scent, grogginess slowly slipping away.

I pried open my eyes, blinking sleeping as I glanced around the room. The bathroom door was open and I could hear faint scuffles coming from inside. I practically rolled off the bed, padding on silent sock feet into the bathroom.

I was in no way, shape or form prepared for what awaited me. Y/n had her leggings rolled down low on her hips and her oversized t-shirt hiked up above her breasts.

Hollow.

That's what y/n was.

Slender, tiny, thin, angular, skeletal, malnourished, emaciated, sickly.

The shirt dropped as y/n's eyes caught mine. Silent tears spilled down her face and she whimpered quietly.

I was moving before I knew what happened. My eyes caught on y/n's trembling form. Slowly, as if not to startle her, I enveloped her in my arms. Her bony shoulders tensed under my touch.

"I'm so sorry it got this far," I whispered, tears running over my cheeks and dripping onto her shirt. "I'm sorry I didn't know. I should've done something before it got to this point."

Y/n shook her head. "It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself." Her voice was hushed, small.

"Why?" My voice cracked and I dropped my head onto her shoulder.

"I-I," y/n shook her head. "I've always had a difficult relationship with food. When I was little, I used to eat a lot. In middle school, my 'friends' started shaming me for it. So I started limiting my food, eating rabbit food. That continued for about a year before I lost it and started binge eating. After a while, I started purging too." The tears came quicker now, my heart clenching at the thought of my girl in pain like that. "I was borderline bulimic before my mom realized what was going on and made me do therapy. At the time, I hated it, loathed my mom for it. But she saved my life."

Her tears had stopped now, a glassy, far away look taking over her face

"Then you came into my life. I finally had a reason to be truly happy because you made me feel beautiful in my broken body. You gave me a reason to fight. So I won. Or I thought I did." She laughed bitterly. "I thought it was over. I thought I was finally happy with myself. But then you left. And I sunk back into my habits. I felt bad about not telling you. So I binged. And I felt guilty. And I purged. And I didn't want you to know. I was so fucking scared you'd push me away if I told you. I'm sorry."

I kissed her neck. "Never. I'll never give up such a treasure like you, my love."

Y/n started sobbing again. I turned her around and pulled her into me. "I don't care if you're a hundred pounds or two hundred. I love you and size can't change that. But this isn't healthy and I know you realize that. So we're going to get you better. Get you happy and healthy again."

Y/n nodded. "I love you, Jo."

"I love you, darling. Forever and always."

"Forever."

***

Lowkey like this but whatever.

Also, sorry this was so depressing but if you've read my misc book you'll know that I'm going through yet another depression phase :]