wonderland • wolfstar

11| every corner of his mind

Sirius stretched out his legs over the sheets, watching as broken fragments of the rising sun crept through the gap of a four-poster bed and littered his mostly nude body.

He liked the Ravenclaw dormitories for their simplicity and strange warmth. He felt comfortable in their seemingly extra soft navy sheets and creative means of storage. Looking over to his side, Sirius let his eyes trail down Julian's bare back as he still slept, watching him shift a few times before settling again. He exhaled tiredly before running his hand beneath his pillow in search of his phone. Clicking it on, he pulled a face at the time: it had just gone five, meaning that he'd not even had three hours of sleep.

It was two when Sirius decided that he couldn't be surrounded by his own thoughts any longer. He was bombarded with the way his name sounded on Remus' tongue and the feeling of his warm, almost rough hands caressing his cheek. It was just Remus Lupin in every corner of his mind and he thoroughly detested it. Though he was desperate, he couldn't imagine going to Zachary or Jack, and definitely not Marcel who'd been hitting up his phone again like a freak. He needed Julian to softly kiss his skin and ease in to him. Sometimes, he and Julian were rough together, painful nips and hard grasps on each other; other times, however, Sirius was babied and treated gently, like the most delicate yet powerful thing on the planet.

Sirius heard the ruffling of the duvet again and he looked to his side once more, only to be met with a groggy Julian.

"Good morning," he croaked.

"Morning," Sirius whispered. He knew he couldn't be too loud because Julian's four roommates already thought low of him because god, he'd learnt to be extremely quiet but he hadn't reached the satisfactory mark that they believe in which is thorough silence. Julian, on the other hand, was as loud as he wished to be.

"What is the fucking time? I feel like I fell asleep ten minutes ago," Julian grunted, stuffing his face in to his pillow and pulling it over his ears.

"Five past five. Breakfast is in less than two hours. I need like, six coffees before lessons," Sirius complained quietly, folding his arms crossly over himself.

"505," Julian giggled, extremely proud of his own joke. Sirius rolled his eyes playfully at the reference.

"God, it would have been so much easier if I fell for you instead," Sirius mumbled as he gazed up at the star painted panel above Julian's bed. Nobody knew who painted it, but what they did know is that nobody had any intention to remove it.

Julian's head snapped quickly towards Sirius.

"Come again?"

"Sure, I'm up for cumming again." Swatting his arm, Julian sat up in his bed, torso covered in the sun's light.

"What do you mean? Sirius, that would be the shittiest relationship ever and you know that. I know that! We both know that!" blabbered Julian with a mildly crazed look in his nearly charcoal eyes. Sirius sat up, covering his legs with the duvet.

"It'd be easier to explain though, you know?" Feigning carelessness, Sirius shrugged before resting an arm over Julian's lap and staring anywhere but his eyes. He ended up focusing on Julian's grey anime hoodie which was thrown against the footboard. He felt eyes burn in to the side of his head.

"No, I don't, Sirius. Come on, talk to me," Julian pleaded. He pushed Sirius' chin to face him.

"Julian, I'm not over Remus," Sirius said bluntly though his voice crumpled around the corners.

The hand tenderly clasping his jaw slackened and slid down. A brief pause thickened between the two boys. Abruptly, Julian wrapped his arms around Sirius and kissed the top of his head.

"You complete idiot."

"I know, I just - I just can't help it," Sirius replied, though it was muffled by Julian's chest.

"No, not that. You should have told me. I understood when you told me the first time."

Recalling that memory with mixed feelings, Sirius nodded.

"Yeah, I know," Sirius agreed, "but I needed a distraction. My head's fucking ugly. Julian, I am sorry."

Julian ran his fingers through his slightly tangled hair.

"You don't need to be sorry. I get why you did it. But jeez, I shouldn't be shagging you while you're crushing! I should be giving you advice."

"Wouldn't have been any use. It's not like I'm gonna tell him," Sirius said. He made himself more comfortable, settling himself between Julian's legs and slotting himself in just the right corners.

"Woah, what?"

"What?" Sirius looked up in confusion at his friend.

"What do you mean you're not gonna tell him?"

"Yeah, what would I say? 'Oh, hi, yeah I've been crushing on you for an embarrassingly long time without even talking to you that much, haha, just letting you know!' That's ridiculous. I'm not stupid. I'm not telling him, end of," Sirius finalised, turning away as if to prove his point. Julian opened his mouth in defiance.

"Sirius! Just tell him!"

"Juli, shut the fuck up. No one gives a shit," one of Julian's mates, Otto, slurred sleepily.

"Yeah, Juli, shut the fuck up," Sirius hissed.

"Look, I'm not forcing you to tell him but I think it's a good idea. Get it off your chest. You don't even know how he'll react," Julian reasoned. He was a strong believer of love, just like Sirius, and he knew his mate needed to take that first step in to the peachy pink world romance. Sirius wasn't carved from marble for sexual desire. His mind was crafted to be cherished and he damn deserved it, no doubt about that.

"He'll react shittily, I'm not stupid."

"Sirius, c'mon. You deserve this."

"What, rejection?"

"No, you deserve to discover love. Stop being a pussy."

"I am not a pussy."

"Prove it." Julian smirked and Sirius knew immediately what he was doing. He didn't really think Sirius was a pussy and both parties knew that, but it was a gentle nudge in the 'right' direction.

"I'll tell him before the end of school, mark my words, alright?" Sirius grumbled unwillingly, but still very adamant on his promise. Fisher was not going to win this one.

"Fine by me, darling."

"I hate you so fucking much, Julian, I shit you not," Sirius said spitefully as he tugged on his pyjama trousers.

"I mean, you don't have to if you really don't want too..." his voice trailed off.

"Don't you dare say that now. I'm doing it."

hey i finished this chapter a day before i'm supposed to publish it and it's the second one i've written for chapter eleven. hi, from past me!

sup. i have no clue what to write for the next chapter yeet goddamnit. there's something so pleasing about learning new words, honestly. i miss reading. feel like i haven't done it in months. when i go back to school, i am DEFINITELY getting two books at least. does anyone have any good, dEeP books here on wattpad? preferably not fanfiction tbh, because... idk.
see you next millennium