Crystal Eyes

-(26)-

      "Hello?"

      I waited a moment until a woman's voice rung through the other side. An unusual voice I hadn't ever heard in all my years of calling up there to speak with my dad. "Hello, is this the family of Russell Miller? This is Terry from the facility and I have some news for your family." 

      "Give me a minute," I told her, slipping the shirt over my head and racing out. I trotted out to the kitchen where the aromas of eggs, bacon and french toast hit me head-on. Mom never made breakfast...I mean she always made breakfast but usually cereal or buttered toast. It all made sense when I spotted Rudy sitting at the table, sipping a cup of coffee. 

      "Mom, it's the prison. They want to speak to us." I waved her over and leaned against the counter. She waddled over sleepily and pressed the phone on speaker, continuing to cook. Rudy was not so subtly leaning in. "Yes, this is his family. Can we help you? Is everything alright?" I had hoped she was telling us his sentence was reduce and he'd be eligible for parol. 

      "I'm so sorry to inform you that Russell Miller had a ruptured brain aneurysm late last night in his sleep. We found him this morning and rushed him into medical but unfortunately, he was already long passed. We are so sorry to deliver this information. There was nothing we could do but we tried our hardest and we hope you have support to help you through this loss."

      Towards the end, every word she said clouded out and fogged in my mind. The floor swayed under my feet like a tidal wave ready to crash. I saw Rudy from somewhere hurrying to my mother and reassuring her as tears spilled down her cheeks. The lady on the phone was still mumbling nonsense while Jade and Jude walked in confused and weary. I didn't want to cry, not in front of them. 

      "We found a letter this morning addressed to a James Miller, the letter wasn't finished but we thought you'd like to hear it before we clear out his things in a few hours." My eyes were watering, my vision quickly declining but I managed a hoarse, "Read it." Mom was rocking her head and making her way over to me. My mind was now void of emotion as she read out every agonizing word and sentence of the letter.

      Everything snapped together like a broken up puzzle. Mom being strange around Ellery. Dad hanging up abruptly after he'd figured out who she was. It seemed everyone had known but me. Everyone had kept me in oblivion and shoved me from reality. I felt foolish for not connecting the dots myself. I felt...alone and betrayed. 

      "James...I'm so sorry I didn't tell you," my mother soothed but I stepped back and drove my palms into my head. "You knew? You knew and you didn't tell me! How could you keep this from me? How could you shove me away like that? I trusted you and you encouraged me to do something you knew was toxic! Why? Why! I- I love her and you let me love her!" 

      "No, James. You were so happy with her, you just lit up when you were with her. I couldn't tell you, I couldn't hurt you like that. I wanted to but...I grew to like her myself. I- I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way and I'm sorry about your father." About your father. Your father, not her ex-husband. Not the man that loved her, just my father. 

      "So you didn't tell me because you came to like her yourself? Didn't you ever think about her! What she'd think! Mom, the girl I love is going to hate me and it's all your fault! You had no right to keep that from me for so long and now...now dad's dead and you aren't crying for him, your crying because you feel guilty!" 

      I didn't give her time to respond, I flew back into my room and slammed the door, sinking to the ground and sobbing. I heard muffled crying and yelling from the kitchen and confused mumbling from Jade and Jude. Ellery, oh Ellery. I'd have to tell her everything. I'd have to shatter her heart on top of what she already went through last night because I couldn't keep something like this from her. 

      I didn't even get to say goodbye to my dad... and now I had to explain everything to Ellery. That my father, Russell Miller who was in jail for two counts of DUI murder with a life sentence, killed her mom and her best friend five years ago when he was drunk driving. My dad, the man who I'd always loved and looked up to killed my girlfriend's mom and her best friend and now I was in love with her, and she was in love with the son of her family's killer. 

      So I wrote a letter explaining everything that I'd give her at school. I couldn't bear to tell her myself. 

      Gathering my things, I hopped out the window just in time to board the bus.