Threads

Chapter 3

                         *Ivory*
There's no way I'm putting this off any longer. I have to tell her, and I have to tell her today. I hope she won't be offended. It really isn't her that's the problem. I just really can't see the point of romance. I'd rather just sit with my cats and my friends and laugh and have fun. Not that I have many good friends nowadays. I have Elliot, thank god I have him. I have Sarah and Emily, but I don't really. I can't count on them, and I can't trust them. I miss my friends from Australia, but they feel so far away by now, like they're friends with a different version of me.

I put on a dark green turtleneck sweater with mom jeans and black converse. I'm quite proud of the jeans. I painted the back pockets myself. I had an appointment with Doctor Silver on Saturday. She told me she wouldn't be reading the therapy journal anymore, (because I literally don't have any issues, mom), but I've decided to continue it as a type of experiment. Maybe it will help me improve myself.
I've thrown my hair into a bun and I'm hoping it won't fall. I think I'm going to be late. Bye! (Also, God, I write like I'm narrating a movie)

It's lunch. I'm going to corner Ellie and ask her to come talk to me at a free table. Actually, it's probably better to ask her if she wants to come over to my place and talk after school. Don't want someone to overhear us.

                           *Ellie*
She's walking up to me. She's coming and I'm trying to look busy. Very busy. I'm very b-

We've a lot to catch up on. So much. She asked me to come to her place after school to talk. Actually, she ordered me to meet her after school so we could take the bus together. Which we did, awkwardly. I told Jasmine I had to sit with Ivory and ran off. No point making excuses. She knows when I'm lying. I did ask her teasingly what she wanted to talk about, but she flushed and said she couldn't talk about it on the bus. She would not make eye contact with me whatever. Jeez, and I thought I was nervous. I'm starting to think I do have a crush on her. She's better than anyone I'm ever going to have a chance with, anyways. I should take the chance while I've got it, right? Anyways-

                        *Ivory*
I rather awkwardly let her into my house. My parents weren't there, as usual. They're gone so much that I'm not sure it's legal. They're lawyers. And yes, they're boring as fuck.
I offered her something to drink and then we went upstairs with two glasses of juice. I watched her warily as she took in my room. She looks so carefully at everything, it feels like she's trying to commit it to memory. Maybe she is. She does that to people too. She looks you up and down and openly examines you. I'm not sure if she realizes other people can see her doing it. It feels like when a baby stares and points at you with their mouth agape and asks their mum what's wrong with your hair. Not talking from personal experience. Anyways. She's sitting carefully on the chair beside my desk and playing with the scrunchie on her wrist.

Then, suddenly, maniacally, she's laughing like a mad woman. My eyes widen and I jump back. Wasn't expecting that.
"Why are we so awkward, I'm assuming we both know why we're here?" she says, wiping away the literal tears forming in her eyes from laughter. Is this woman crazy? Did I let a crazy person into my house?

"Yeah, like, yeah". I don't know why, but I feel like I shouldn't actually mention what we're talking about. I think the subject is still being avoided somehow in this conversation. I don't know what to say.

"So, the thread, you can see it too, right"? Well, I was wrong. Straight to the point. For once I have nothing I want to say.

"I know nothing about them, honestly, but I know that we're supposed to be in love, which is crazy....
She keeps blabbering on and on and I can't take it anymore.
"I don't like you, Ellie!", I say, interrupting her monologue.
"Actually, I don't like anyone, I never have, and I doubt I ever will"
She is silent. She's going to give her head wrinkles, the way she's scrunching it. She looks a bit hurt, a lot confused and also quite relieved. She lets out a breath she'd been holding in.

"Well, that- that's weird, isn't it?"
And that's when I burst into tears. I've had enough of everyone. I feel like a sociopath. I'm not a robot. I have feelings. So what if I don't have romantic ones. If God is real, why the hell would he give me a golden thread. It makes no sense. Ellie deserves better. And I deserve to be left the hell alone.
I practically shove her out the door, while she is trying to fix whatever she thinks she did wrong by blabbering all over the place. Now I know how people feel when I do that. Annoyed. I just want to be left alone. I try to listen to music, but romance songs just make me feel worse. Bye.