Goodbye Carter

t w e l v e

I eventually reach the playground, immediately spotting Aiden's tall figure as he attempted to swing somewhat gracefully on the set. I would have almost chuckled if the cold hadn't taken my breath from me first.

As I reached Aiden, I see something pass in his eyes- almost like hurt.

It hit me. Hard.

I wasn't ready for that.

He jumped up to meet me halfway, even in the dark I could see his classic smirk climbing his lips as he began to speak, "Kends," he says almost breathlessly, as if he can't actually believe that I'm here- that I'm standing right in front of him.

I don't say a word but he still reaches out to me, silently asking me to embrace him. I sigh and come closer to him, his sadness influencing me in too many ways than I was ready to admit.

His embrace was tight and loving. His arms were wrapped around my waist as he let his head fall on top of my own. I felt him take in a deep breath and possibly even a small sniff. He'd never admit it, but I knew that he loved the smell of my hair.

Relief passed over me like a drug. I felt my muscles relax as I pressed my cheek up against his chest and tightened my arms securely around his neck. He obviously sensed my anger drifting away, as he pulled me into his body and gripped my waist tighter.

"I fucking missed you," he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

I feel my eyes well up with tears at his admission.

God, I missed him too.

Aiden finally let's go and grabs my hand to lead me to the swings. Our hands are still interlocked as we both take a seat.

I look up expectantly at him, forcing myself to hold the tears back, "I just want to know what's been going on with you. That's all," I choke out, slightly sniffling as I turn away from him.

He sighs and pushes backward to swing slightly, "I don't know how else to say it, Kennedy. You really hurt me. Truly, you did."

I bit my lip, feeling a lump in my throat as I attempt to explain my feelings, "that wasn't my intention, Aiden. You know that. I didn't want to tell you something that would be disingenuous when you were being so honest with me. Being in a relationship is about truth, and at the moment..." I took a deep breath, readying myself for my admission, "I wasn't in love with you."

I see the utter hurt and anger cross Aiden's grey eyes, even in the darkness. He barks out a dark laugh, "god, that fucking hurts."

"Aiden," I drawl, "that doesn't mean I'm not in love with you, alright? Can you understand that? It just wasn't the right time! Just because you said it doesn't mean I have to," I say, my voice becoming louder and more confident.

Aiden scoffs, "I guess I just really don't understand Kennedy. I mean, we've said 'I love you' so much throughout the years. I don't get why it's so different now- I really don't."

"But it is different now, Aiden. We aren't just two best friends anymore, okay? We're in a relationship. Saying 'I love you' matters to me, I don't just throw it out there to anyone- especially not someone I'm romantically involved with."

Aiden swallows, his adam's apple bobbing as he does, "Okay. Okay that makes sense, alright... I just feel like- I don't know. You're just my world Kennedy, you really are. You're what I think of all the time, and I'm not just saying this to bullshit you. I could be doing anything- really- anything, and I think about you. I just love you so much that I can't even stand it, I can't stand being away from you. And I swear to fucking god, anytime any guy gives you a look... I just, I can't deal with it because you're my girl," a single tear makes its way down Aiden's pink cheek, "I just want you to feel that way about me, I guess."

I feel a stab in my chest as I realize how much I had truly hurt him, even if it was unintentional. I sigh and get up from the swing (that was slowly freezing my ass into an ice cube) and gently take hold of either side of Aiden's face, before I wipe the tears away from the corners of his eyes.

"You are killing me, Aiden. You really are," I say in a whisper before pressing my lips against his own.

The kiss is feverish and passionate when our lips lock, sending chills down my spine and fanning me a much needed wave of body heat with his breath. He inhaled deeply before he stood up to deepen the kiss and pull me closer to him. I hear a throaty sound come from the back of his throat, telling me he had missed our make out sessions just as much as I had.

I finally pull apart as my back hits the slide behind me, "tell me that you still don't think that every part of me is completely and utterly in love with you Aiden. I dare you," I say with hooded eyes.

Aiden crashes his lips onto my own once again, attempting to regain dominance with his tongue and travelling fingers.

I pull apart once again, "do you even know how long I've been in love with you?" I ask, looking up at him through my lashes.

He shakes his head and attempts to hide his grin, but I still see it.

"Ever since middle school, Aiden. I've loved you every moment since then. And you're absolutely crazy to ever even question that."

Aiden sighs and twirls a piece of my hair that had cascaded out of my bun before placing it behind my ear, "I don't want you to say it because you feel like you need to, okay? I understand now, I really do."

"I'm not just saying it to make you happy. I love you Aiden," I say slipping my cold fingers into his.

He gives me a skeptical look but I know he won't ask about it again. Whether it was because he was too afraid to learn the truth or because he actually believed it, I would never know.

"C'mon," he says with a shrug of his shoulder, "let me walk you home."

I nod as he slips an arm around my shoulders and pulls me to his side, allowing him to guide me through the dark and back to the warmth and comfort of my own home.

Even as Aiden kissed me goodnight, even as he tugged me in a tight embrace, even when he whispered "I love you," in my ear, I still wondered if things would ever be the same between Aiden and I. Or if we were just fooling ourselves with the thought that we could ever work out.