Diary of Bella:)

f o u r

I swear I get summer depression. I get it in the winter, too. But like, still. I look forward to summer every school year, but when it finally arrives, the lack of a schedule and work to be done makes me feel useless. I, without fail, always go into a sad and antisocial phase during the summer. I sit in my room and cry and make plans with my friends, only to cancel the day before because I cannot stand to go out and have to pretend to be okay. Maybe it's shitty. I am a shitty friend sometimes. I just cannot pretend. I am a terrible actress. I can't trick my friends, but I am not ready to get better. I am comfortable. Once hockey starts and school begins, I will feel great for a while, but then I know for a fact that the stress will hit me like a truck and the same thing will happen, once again. It's no shock for me. It's just my thing, I guess. I hate it, but I don't see a point in forcing myself out of it. 

Anyways, I guess I'm trying to break the system and going out to the movies tomorrow with my best friend, Simran. That should be good for me. I haven't hung out with friends in a bit, and I'm starting to forget how to be social. I've been sad. I've been crying over old facebook pictures and staying up till the sunrises. I've been eating nothing but the same two meals over and over again because I don't even taste anymore, it's all just... bland. The only thing that's keeping me going is Jordan, Simran, and music. I have band on Tuesdays, and drum practice Thursday. The highlights of my week. Anyways, this is so boring and literally no one reads them, so i'll go now.  I hope everyone's doing at least a little better than I am right now. Have a good day.