This is How We End

Chapter 12

Or so I thought.

Mahapdi pa ang dibdib ko habang naglalakad ako pabalik sa aking kama. I clutched on my chest as I breathed heavily. It was one of the nights when I fell asleep while waiting for Zeus. Nasa baba ako at natutulog sa couch. Nang magising ay nasa loob na ako ng kwarto at nakahiga sa kama. Nagising lang ako ng madaling araw dahil sa sobrang sama ng pakiramdam at matinding pagsusuka.

I dragged myself to bed and collapsed. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata at kinumutan ang sarili. I was starting to relax when I heard the door creaking open. Nagising kaagad ang diwa ko nang lumusob ang pamilyar na amoy ni Zeus sa aking ilong.

For some reason, I remained still and didn't bother to turn around. I let him think that I was still sleeping. In that way, he wouldn't see the tiredness in my eyes and how I looked half like death with sorrowful eyes and unsmiling mouth.

Pinakiramdaman ko ang kaniyang paggalaw. His heavy footsteps are very gentle, making sure that he doesn't disturb me in the process. Then I felt the weight of the mattress shift as he claimed the edge. I almost jolted awake when I felt his warm hand on my cheeks.

There was ragged breathing. His fingers, calloused from endless making love with the strings of the guitar now touches my skin with so much love and tenderness. The careful strokes and the gentleness in it made my heart rammed with so much love.

Gusto kong buksan ang mga mata ko at titigan siya pabalik. But I'm afraid the mismatched hues of my orbs would betray me and tell him that I am very terrified right now.

Isang marahas na pagsinghap ang narinig ko mula sa kaniya. I want to hold his hand that's holding my cheeks right now. His labored breathing and painful murmurs broke my heart.

"I don't even know who I'm praying at right now, and I rarely pray in my entire life... not when You introduced her to me..."

In that cold, dark room, his voice sounded so sorrowful. The rough edges are grazing against my heart as I listen to the words he quietly murmured.

"I know that I have been very sinful in my life, and that I deserve to be in pain. But Naia? She doesn't deserve it. You must know that every time I see her hurting, the pain doubles up in me and kills me from the inside. Seeing her like this is hell."

Ramdam ko ang bahagyang panginginig ng kamay niyang nakahawak pa rin sa pisngi ko. The restrain in his voice and the silent surrender as he continued to spoke knocked the breath off me.

"I'm going to pray, for real, and for the first time in my life, that You heal her. You know how much I love her. And that living this life without her would be the death of me." pumiyok ang kaniyang boses sa dulo ng kaniyang salita. I tried so hard to remain still while my heart is breaking into two right now. "You know I'm going to do everything for her. Everything."

Narinig ko siyang suminghot. He withdrew his hand away, leaving me cold. A few seconds later, I felt his warm lips on my temple.

"Please heal her." He murmured against my salty skin. "If gods are real then you know how much I am suffering right now. She's my only hope and the only reason why I'm living this life. I could kneel in front of thousand saints all day, in exchange for more time with her. Alam mong hindi ko kayang mawala ulit siya sa akin..."

A sob tore at my throat, clawing its way out. Nanginig ang mga labi ko. Nanatili akong nakahiga at hindi gumagalaw hanggang sa maramdaman kong unti-unti na siyang lumalayo sa akin. Trying to ease myself, I started to calm down and stayed quiet until he silently stepped out of my room.

Ilang segundo pa muna ang pinalipas ko nang tuluyan na siyang lumabas bago ko ibinukas ang mga mata. Kasabay noon ay ang pagtulo ng mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan. I stared at the closed door, my chest aching, knowing that no words can comfort both of us right now.