This is How We End

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

I hesitantly touched the ends of my newly chopped hair and pouted. Iniling-iling ko pa ang ulo ko at tuluyang pinagmasdan ang sariling repleksyon sa salamin. The ends of my wavy hair are tickling my bare shoulder blades. I've never had my hair cut this short that it emphasized my heart-shaped face.

Ngumuso ako at sumandal sa kinauupuan. I dropped my gaze to my pale, trembling fingers. Humugot ako ng isang hininga at sinilip ulit ang sarili bago pa mapadpad ang tingin sa maliit na siwang sa pinto.

I gave him a short side-glance. Kumunot ang noo ko nang ambang aalis na sana siya.

"You can come in, you know." I told Zeus.

There was a pause. A moment of hesitation. From the middle of the room, I could hear his ragged breathing. Then the wooden door creaked open. He stepped inside and stared at me. I stared back using the mirror in front of me. Isang manipis na ngiti ang dumampi sa mga labi ko.

"What do you think?"

"You..." he scratched his shadow jaw as the intensity of his stare skyrocketed into few degrees. "You cut your hair..." he finally breathed out.

"Hmm. Yeah." Malambing kong sagot at tumayo na. Nginitian ko si Zeus at tinapik-tapik nang mahina ang buhok ko. "So... what do you think?"

"M-Maganda..."

Ngumuso ako. "Talaga?"

He swallowed violently and nodded. Parang batang nag-iiwas ng tingin sa akin. My grin widened as I swallowed the rest of the distance between the two of us and tugged his veined arms.

"Maganda?"

He nodded and touched my hair. "Maganda, oo."

Mas lalo pang lumawak ang ngiti ko. I figured cutting my hair and donating it to a foundation that creates wigs for kids with cancer would be nice. Simula nang bumalik kaming dalawa ni Zeus sa Manila ay halos wala na akong ginagawa. Everything I need is just a stone's throw away. When Zeus is away, I am being treated like a queen inside his house. And when he's home, he makes sure that the appointments in the hospital are never delayed.

I could see the fatigue in his eyes. He's now making up for the time that he lost when we were in Zamboanga. Madaling araw na siyang umaalis sa bahay at gabi naman kung umuuwi. Zoey visited me multiple times since we've arrived. She's enthusiastic with the idea that I would be here, but I still haven't had the guts to tell her the real reason why I'm here.

Solemn eyes swimming with mixed emotions, I leaned my head against Zeus' chest. How he could remain calm in this situation, that, I do not know. We discuss liver cancer as if we're just talking about the weather of the day. He's been very attentive to every word that the doctor had said and had been very strict to the housekeepers on what to feed me, what to do when I am in pain, and how to tend to my needs.

To be honest, I am very terrified. But I didn't dare show it to my face. Zeus has so many things to worry right now and I don't want to add to his problems. I want him to know that I am doing okay. The occasional stomach pains and the dizziness are getting worse and worse. May iilang araw na sobrang putla ko, kailangan ko pang maglagay ng konting kolorete sa mukha bago pa harapin si Zeus.

It seems like the more I think about the disease, the more I am engulfed by it. Wala namang problema sa akin nung nasa Zamboanga pa ako at nagtatrabaho. Ngayong nasa bahay ako at pinagsisilbihan ay pakiramdam ko ngayon pa tuluyang bumibigay ang katawan ko.

Cold fear clawed at my throat every time I jolted awake at the middle of the night with an unbearable pain punching to the pits of my stomach. I pressed a fist against my mouth while tears streamed down, curling myself as small as possible so that no one would hear my cries of pain. Mabibigat na ang paghinga ko habang pinipilit ang sariling makulong ulit sa kadiliman at matakasan ang sakit. Sa paggising ko naman ay parang binugbog ng ilang beses ang katawan ko. He must've noticed that my smiles are getting duller and duller and yet, he said nothing about it.