sing ; shawn mendes

Thirteen

We sat in this position for a while. The sound of the heart monitor beeping every now and then relaxes me. It lets me know that she's still alive; she's still mine. That sound was all that echoed in this small, depressed-looking room. This room is annoying. It's so dull and pale, which is not right for her. She needs a room that feels like home and not a prison. Tomorrow I will bring a whole bunch of her favorite things to decorate this damn place.

I kiss the top of her head once more and rub her arms, feeling her goosebumps at my touch.

"Shawn?" She looked up at me.

"Mhm?"

"You do realize I'm dying faster and faster now, right?"

I cringed and croaked out, "Yeah."

"Can you sing to me that song?"

"Which one?" I frowned.

She bit her lip and broke away from our gaze.

"The one that you promised to sing to me when I..."

"No, you're not dying tonight." I always say that every single time she is back here in the hospital. Now, I'm not so sure and I hate myself for that. I clear the lump that was stuck in my throat and blink away the tears that rose.

"I..just want to hear it.." She breathes out. She's already tearing up. I can feel her shake so I hug her tightly and cup her face.

Her eyes are watery and nose is read. My thumb rubs across her tears that streamed down her pale cheeks. She weakly smiles, looking away, but I know what kind of smile is that. Her smile was weak and it was as though she used all her energy to do so. I would do anything to get a beautiful, healthy smile that I love so much from her.

So I sing.

"Some things we don't talk about,

Rather do without, and just hold a smile."

She gives a relieved sigh and kisses me. I clear my throat again.

"Falling in and out of love,

Ashamed and proud of."

That reminded me of the time she and I had argument. She would always feel a little insecure, thinking I would be interested on somebody else. She would always be jealous of girls that walked by us on the streets.

"They look healthy! They have hair! They have curves and color while I am stuck in this hell hole, making you and I suffer!" She shouted and wiped her eyes, thinking I won't notice her tears.

"Together all the while..." Fuck. I'm crying again. I blink them away and fail.

"You can never say never,

While we don't know when." I keep out eyes locked. We are both crying by now. I love her so much and I don't want to let her go.

"But time and time again,

Younger now than we were before."

Fuck I can't control my tears. Her small hand cup my face to wipe my tears for me.

"Don't..let me..go.."

I couldn't even finish, I couldn't bare singing it to her. Not right now. Not ever. I was having a hard time breathing now and she moved to let me cry on her shoulder. My arms warp around her waist tightly. I hold on for dear life because I feel as if I let go, she will go.

"Please don't let me go.." I cried to her.

No answer. Of course she wouldn't answer. She can't because her answer would not be a good one. The truth is, we can't make her stay and we both know it. I just don't want to believe it.