Revolving Mirrors: Anger. Men. & Sex.

Part One: Anger

                                                                                                                                                                  October 9, 2017

Dear God,

I. am. Black...

No......no.

Greetings Mighty Creator,

I am Black and...

Ehh.....Umm........that's not quite it either..

Dear My Higher Self and Divine Intelligence,

I'm writing you because I am Black...

Ugh....Okay.. ..Fuck it.

Dear God, Jesus, Higher Self, Buddha, Divine Intelligence and whoever else is listening,

I am Black and I'm suffering from..... I mean-- I am battling anorexia. This ... this mental illness--- this disease isn't something I am supposed to have. After all, I'm Black, which, by the way, is actually a color (i.e. orange, pink, green) not a human race, but for the sake of "just cuz" I will say, Black. 

So, as I was saying, I am Black, a race known for its full-figured voluptuous women... Home of the big butts and wide hips. Not to mention, I come from a mother that could have been classified as a "big booty Judy", and a sister with a tail as big as the motherland. Although I have a petite frame, I was blessed with what I like to call portional poke-out. My tail is in perfect portion to my body. It super soft with the right amount of wiggle and shake. 

God, I actually love my shape and size, when I was healthy. Not that you need a reminder, but just in case you forgot----I stand at about 4'8 and during my healthy periods, I swayed between 107 and 112. Now, I'm barely breaking 90 lbs fully clothed! How in the helly of hells l could I be anorexic? I LOVE food. Food is very pleasurable and enjoyable... I just don't have an appetite here and there.... Well, I just don't have an appetite some of the time---- a majority of the time... ok... OK... none of the time! I never seem to have an appetite nowadays... Except for the occasional chopped lettuce wrapped in lettuce and my wonderful selection of detox and medicinal herbs... But hell, it's 2017. Everything we eat is drenched in herbicides and pesticides, right? At least that is what advertised on the internet and social media a thousand times a day. 

However, we both know this no appetite thing isn't something that was new. I remember after my parents got divorced and we moved to Atlanta I would go long periods of time without having the urge to eat. Especially when I knew we had to get on a plane to see my dad. Something about flying and spending consecutive days with "strangers" didn't sit well in my 5-year-old tummy.

At the age of 36, I find myself having that same five-year-old stomach on a regular basis. In fact, I've been experiencing this stomach for the past 7 months as well as on and off for 4 consecutive years. Which has resulted in, as I mentioned, a loss of appetite, weight loss, dry skin, baggy clothes, and alone. So, God if you are listening, I could really use a fucking break.....