Stuck With The Cassidy Boys

Chapter 29

"I heard you, the other night" I said, still in his grasp

"Heard me say what?"

"That you couldn't not love me" I said and his breathing hitched but he stayed silent

"Did you mean it?" Why am I this question?

"Yeah, I meant it" is all he said, keeping it brief

I pulled away and sat down on my bed "but how can you love me, I'm a mess, I'm pathetic" I say repeating one of my dads many insults

He sat down next to me and put his hand on my thigh "Who told you that, your not pathetic Emerson, your one of the strongest people I know"

"There's a lot you don't know about me Sawyer" I mumbled

"Then talk to me, help me understand why you think I couldn't love you" He said sincerely, did I want him to know? I know that Luke knows but he doesn't know everything, but I suppose that if there was one of the boys to tell the full story to it would be Sawyer because he's who I'm closest to and I have a large amount of trust in him.

"I don't want to burden you with my past Sawyer" I looked down at my lap and fumbled with my hands, only for them to be covered my Sawyers hands

"Nothing about you is a burden, I'm here for you" he says looking into my eyes

"Well...You know I deal with bad anxiety, but what you don't know is why, you also don't know that I have dealt with depression and self harm in the past as well" I paused but he remained silent, a mixed look of sadness and anger filled his eyes

"Just over a year ago, me and my mum where going out for the day, we had an argument in the car about me going to a party, stupid I know. Well I took her attention away and next thing I know I'm screaming about a car coming towards us but she doesn't see it in time

It crashed into her side at full speed, she was dead on impact but obviously I didn't know this because I'd passed out from my injuries. I woke up in the hospital a few days later with a broken wrist and a mild concussion as well as minor bruises whilst my mother lost her life

Not once did my father come and visit me in hospital he didn't even come and pick me up when I was released, Sebastian and Avery did.

When I got home and walked through the door he wasn't there and he wasn't there I tilt he next morning, he left me alone all night when I needed him the most

The next morning I got up and he was passed out on the couch, bottle of vodka in his hand, that was the start of his drinking problem. Ever day he would disappear and every night he would come home drunk.

He ignored me for weeks until one day I came home late from Avery's. Now the thing about me and my dad is that we where always close, I was always a daddy's girl

I walked through the door and a vase was threw at my head, luckily it hit the wall next to me but it only missed me by a few inches, I started to cry but he Just Ignored me despite me trying to talk to him

From then on he would start to..." tears came to my eyes and I didn't want on look at Sawyer, I didn't want to see what he was thinking, what he thought of me.

"He would a-abuse me, it started of as insults like 'you worthless bitch' or 'pathetic excuse for a daughter I wish you where never born' or my absolute favourite 'you killed my wife' he never referred to her as my mom, only his wife. After a while it became physical, he would slap and hit me, then he would start to punch me and kick me, the farthest he ever went was a few months ago, he was really drunk and ended up breaking two of my ribs as well as stabbing me in my arm with a broken beer bottle,

Which is why I have my big tattoo, to cover up the scars. After that day I started staying with Sebastian and Avery, only going home when I was sure he wouldn't be there, one day he came home unexpectedly and pulled me into the backyard, he started to shout shout at me and hit me

But a neighbour saw and called the cops, he was arrested and sentenced to 15 years in jail for neglect of a minor and Child abuse and a few other things, that was the day before I moved here.

My anxiety was caused from the constant fear of him abusing me, the depression was caused by the neglect and the constant blame for killing my mother and I chose to deal with that through self harm, that was until I started to smoke weed and I replaced cutting myself with smoking

Then I woke up to Holly knocking on my front door telling me I was gonna come live with her and her 8 sons to which I nearly fainted at and now I'm here"

I finished off my story about my past, without a single interruption besides my occasional sobs and tears. Sawyer was still silent just looking at me

"That's why I love you" was the first thing he said, and for the first time I made eye contact with him and furrowed my brow

"You went through shit and it couldn't have happened to a more amazing person. You had to deal with all this and you stayed strong, your the strongest person I've ever met and probably ever will meet. And that's why I love you."

He pulled me in for a bear hug and I could t help but hug back, I still had tears in my eyes, every time I told the story it doesn't get any easier

He pulled away from the hug and as I went to stand up he pulled me back, I went to ask what he was doing but I couldn't speak, not because of loss for words but because of the fact his lips where against mine

He was kissing me

I came out of my shock and kissed back, it felt different, not like when I had kissed Daniel, Luke, Sam or Jacob,

Woah I'm a hoe

I felt spark, it felt right. His lips fit to mine like a lock and key, we kissed for a bit longer, I tangled my fingers in his hair whilst his hands went down to my waist, holding me tight, like I was going to disappear any moment

He was the first to pull away leaving me wanting more

Sawyer Cassidy Just kissed me!