UH HUH ➮ BOOBOO STEWART [discontinued]

for cam.

i have not updated in over a year and don't plan to, but i feel like these words are super important.

life is so unpredictable and no one is ever aware of how much time they have on this earth, neither are the people around them. it is our duty as humans to make others feel loved and appreciated while they are still here with us, but to also make ourselves feel just as good. the good we put out in the world will only reflect on us the most when people take the time to truly digest the impact we've made, usually when we're gone.

i loved cameron from the moment i saw him grace my screen in a trailer for jessie, but also was unknowingly fascinated by him with his wildly curly hair when he danced as part of a group on shake it up before jessie. his character on jessie was my absolute favorite, nine year old me immediately fell so so so in love with him and his cute little freckled face and infectious smile. i swear my heart skipped a beat every time he flashed across my screen, and the smile never left my face when he was in a scene. he was too good to be true, i can't even describe the feeling but i knew how good it felt.

as the months and years passed and i grew older, as did he. i still gushed about him every chance i could, it didn't make sense to many how much of an impact he had on little old me but i didn't care. that boy was someone i loved more than anything. as a kid i danced, competitively for six years and during that time, i found out he was a dancer too and it just made everything better. i'd never had a dance partner and i was keen on imagination, so of course i spent hours imagining him as my dance partner because i had nothing else to do and it also made me so happy. for some reason, i couldn't listen to any song without imagining a performance or dance to that specific song, and he often frequented my magical thoughts. it filled the empty place in my mind and my heart that my lack of solid friends and siblings vacated. i was honestly so convinced that he was my soulmate, not in a romantic way but in a way that i could only describe as feeling so connected to someone without even knowing them, it was like a magnetic pull.

i refrained from writing fanfictions or anything about him because i wanted to keep those stories to myself, hidden so only i could enjoy them. they remained inside my mind, available for me to access whenever i needed something to occupy my mind or lift my spirits. it was pure bliss, whatever i felt when i thought of him.

learning of his passing has left the deepest gash on my heart that is inexplicable and so much more painful than anything i expected to feel as a teenager. there is never a loss you're fully prepared for, but this one has rocked my world in the worst way possible. he seemed so healthy and happy and was living his best life, just recently announcing he'd moved in with friends. to think that someone had to find him unresponsive and too far gone to be saved haunts me every second, and makes me sick to my stomach to envision. he was a beacon of light in this dark world, someone who seemed positively impact the life of anyone who encountered him, personally or through a screen. i never ever imagined him being the first celebrity passing that i truly felt, i never even imagined him leaving this earth at all, at least not this soon. only 3 years my senior, it frightens me to be made so aware of how short of a life he lived, but on the flip side it makes me so proud that he did so much for so many in his unfairly short time on this earth.

cameron, i love you so much and i will love you for the rest of my life because you changed my life in ways you wouldn't begin to believe or imagine. the happiness i grew to feel as a child and up until now was largely due to your mere existence, and your continued presence on my screen. my heart will forever be yours, and i am sending all of my love to your friends and family who are grieving this loss so so much more than i could ever imagine.

my love, my light forever, rest in peace, love, and happiness cameron boyce. this world is so much emptier without you, but will forever be filled with the good you put in it. thank you for everything.

love, eris ♡