Our Story

n i n e

Katniss's POV

I didn't. I didn't have any reasons for her to hate Gale, I had reasons for her to love him but none on hating him. I look to Gale who is looking at me, in one look I know he wants to hold me, tell me it's okay, but he's scared with Lake standing in the same room as us to do so. I look back at Lake and wipe the tears off my face.

"No." I answer.

"Then what should I do." Lake ask, looking to Gale and then back to me. Another question I hoped to be answered by Gale but he's silent as he looks at our daughter.

"C-Chose." I whisper. "Chose to love him or hate him."

"I don't want to chose." Lake whispers.

"I didn't chose to be your mother, I didn't chose to love your father, I never chose to stay alive." I state harshly. "I never chose to keep you! I never wished to lose your father!" Lake looks at me, speechless. I have either scared her or made her mad again. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"Life is full of choices you don't want to make Lake." Gale finishes for me. I keep my eyes closed as I swallow harshly. I felt horrible for all the things I just said. I put a hand over my mouth as I let tears fall down my face. I was a horrible person. I never chose to keep you! I didn't chose to be your mother. Those words hurt me just as much as they must have hurt Lake. My body feels weak as the words repeat in my head. A lump rises in my throat.

I didn't chose to be your mother.

I didn't chose to keep you!

I never chose to love your father!

My knees give out and I fall into Gale's arms, that keep my body to his. His strong arms wrapped around me slowly bringing me to the floor, to my knees, my body pressed against his. My head rested against his shoulder

"Katniss." He voice is in my ear, quiet and soft. It was the voice he had used when I had nightmares, when I panicked during the war, when I couldn't sleep and he was there holding me close.

"I'm horrible.....I-I'm a horrible person." I choke out.

"Mom." Lake's voice is think of tears and it shakes like shes scared. She's crying, she is crying over those hatefully words I said, she is crying because of me.

I squeeze my eyes shut tightly pressing my hand hard against my mouth as my sobs are let lose. I was horrible, I was a horrible mother. I had admitting things I never thought I should, I never though I would admit them but I did and it felt awful saying them.

"Your not horrible." Gale whispers.

"I-I a m-mutt." I stutter as I take my hand away from my mouth, I open my eyes looking up at Lake who is crying.

Gale holds me at arms length with a hand under my chin, I look to him with more hot tears running down my face. I was a capitol mutt, I have hurt Lake her whole life, I hurt Gale, my mother, Hazelle, Prim, I've hurt everyone. This was an example of what mutts do. They hurt people. Rip the apart, break them.

"Your Katniss, not a capitol mutt." He whispers.

"I hurt her, I hurt you, I hurt our family's." I whimper.

He looks at me, he knows I hurt her. He knows I hurt our daughter, with her crying it's not hard to tell I hurt her. Gale reaches a hand out for Lake, looking at her. At this point I don't think Lake cares about the argument because she falls into Gale, pressing her face against his chest, with her slim arms wrapped around him. He wraps and arm around her slim figure.

"You were telling her the truth," He states "and that doesn't make you a mutt."

I let him pull my body back to his. I wrap my arms around both him and our daughter resting my head against his shoulder. I was telling the truth. I take a deep breath, he still smells of the woods and smoke. He stills smells like home. I take deep breaths to control my crying, as Lake bury herself in Gale's chest. I turn my head enough to rest my cheek on his shoulder so I can look at our daughter. Her face is red as tears stain her face. She is looking up at me, her eyes glossed over. Gale's arm is wrapped tightly around her, holding their body's close together. Lake's body has melted into Gale's as her stick like arms stayed wrapped around him.

"I don't want daddy to let go." She whispers.

Gale lets out a shaky breath as my breath catch in my throat. Daddy. Her voice was so much like it was the day Gale left us. It was full of pain and sadness. I didn't want Gale to let go either. I didn't him to let go of us and leave us yet again. I wanted Gale to stay here, stay home and live with Lake and I. I wanted him to comfort me when I had a nightmare, I wanted him to help me when Lake woke up screaming his name, screaming mine. It took me so long to realize just how much I loved him. It took me too long to realize it and because of that he left and I raised Lake o my own lying to her, hurting her. Because of that we are here.
It is silent for a second, I want to tell her Gale has a life and we are not in it. I want to tell her he will come see us, but I can't keeping lying to her. I don't want to lie to her anymore. Before I can speak Gale does.

"I'm not letting go Lake." Gale whispers and kisses the top of her head and looks down at me. "I'm not letting go, not again."