Bellarke One-shots

Trauma

DISCLAIMER: This has mentions of abuse, verbal and physical, and trauma that follows. Trauma is no joke. If you are going through something right now or working through a traumatic experience, talk to someone. Trauma works differently for everyone, just remember that.

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"Are you free tomorrow night?" Bellamy asks as he wraps his arms around Clarke's waist from behind, tucking his chin into her shoulder. Clarke put her hand on his face and angled it so she can kiss him before turning around in his arms to face him.

"I don't know I will have to see, what's up?" She asks with a smile and he kisses her gently before answering.

"I have a boxing match that night, you should come watch." He says against her lips and Clarke tenses within his hold.

"Oh I don't know Bell." She says shyly, looking down at her feet. Truth is, Clarke would love to go and watch Bellamy, support him in what he does. But she just can't. It brings up to many rough memories that she has spent too much time trying to forget.

"Why Clarke? Every time I ask you to come, you alway come up with some lame excuse." Bellamy complains, pulling her into his body, engulfing hers within his, but she stands rigid.

I just-" She stutters, attempting to think of a reason that wasn't the truth, not ready to talk about her past trauma. But she came up with nothing. Bellamy pulls back, noticing her sudden change in body language and gives her a confused look.

"You just what Clarke?" He asks angrily, but Clarke can see the disappointment in his eyes that shines through the anger in his voice. She was hurting him, she could tell. But she couldn't bring herself to talk about the real reason why.

That her relationship prior to Bellamy's was abusive. Verbally and physically, and it took her a whole year to work up the courage to talk to any guys besides her father. That the thought of Bellamy punching another guy would only bring images of how her boyfriend used to beat her, even though she knows Bellamy would never lay a finger on her with the intent to hurt her.

However, trauma doesn't work that way. As much as Clarke tries to suppress the memories, ignore every little detail that makes her tie the smallest things back to her abusive ex, some things you just can't forget. Those things tend to be the ones you wish to drown out the most. Which is why two years later, Clarke still suffers the trauma, the fear whenever a male raises their voice at her, or gets to close to her with a strong tone of voice. Or even when she smells a hint of cologne that reminds her of that horrible time in her life. It all still scares her. Scares her to the point where she still can't talk about it. Not even to Bellamy.

"I just can't." She whispers and Bellamy steps away from her, giving her a frustrated look.

"So you can't even come up with an excuse this time!" Bellamy yells, not understanding why Clarke won't come and support him. Why she doesn't care enough to watch him do what he loves. He would do anything for her, and she can't even come watch a boxing match for him.

Bellamy noticed Clarke's eyes squeeze shut and how she flinches slightly as he raises her voice. Whenever they argue she does that, and whenever he goes to ask her why, she just shuts down. Won't talk for the rest of the day. Not to him, not to anyone.

"Am I just that much of a chore for you?" Bellamy asks sadly and Clarke opens her mouth to speak, trying to will herself to finally tell him the truth. But she feels herself shutting down again. All it takes it the slight raise of a voice, and images of a hand flying across her face will travel through her mind. Memories of her laying in a hospital bed after a particularly bad night with him, and she lied to everyone she loved by saying she fell down the stairs. She felt as silenced as she did in that moment as she does now.