Kid?

Chapter 9: A New, Shitty Day.

Peter woke up in his bed, with the sun streaming in through his window. The entire thing felt wrong, much to cheery compared to how he felt. Which was like shit. His head was swimming. He had a hammering headache on top of the fact that could actually remember the events of the last few days. Ugh. Out of pure curiosity he stood and attempted to open his windows, which to no surprise stayed closed. He groaned as he came to the conclusion that this was going to be his life from now on, he was pretty shocked that he hadn't woken up with a new security detail surrounding him already. He sat carefully back down in his bed. Despite the fact he definitely felt like shit, he also felt spacey and weird, it felt like he was looking at everything through someone else's eyes. All his feelings felt like they were being kept at an arms length distance. The large amount of regret and guilt and pain he had was definitely there but it was all jumbled around in his head.

Peter heard Tony's knock and noted how he didn't wait for a reply before he opened the door anyway.
"Hey kid, FRIDAY told me you were awake."
Peter couldn't force himself to form a sentence as he moved his line of sight to his feet.
"We've got to talk about this."
This time Peter just pushed his face into his hands. Tony's words were making everything feel more real, less at an arms length. He was alive and he still didn't know what to do with that.
"How about we get some food in you first? I promise you no one will say anything right now. We'll just eat."
Peter didn't want to. How he wished he could avoid seeing anyone ever again, but he didn't need to disappoint Tony more. However much he wanted to hide and never again emerge. Peter was still wearing the same clothes so when he stood he first took off his zipper to replace it with a bigger, oversized hoodie, before walking over to Tony who had been watching him intently.
"Alright."
Tony smiled sadly at him and put a hand onto Peter's shoulder,"There's a good boy, now come on. I'm fairly sure there are pancakes being made and I don't want to miss that."

When they walked into the kitchen Tony went first. Together they had all decided to not immediately grill Peter, wanting him to feel more comfortable. Even so Tony stared them all down as he entered the room as though to remind them of their previous promise. All of them were the team members who had been staying there already, as well as Bucky and Sam who were acting as though they had just shown up at the tower for a casual visit. They were sitting and chatting around the dining table, while behind the breakfast bar Steve and Natasha were making the first batch of pancakes. As they saw Peter scuffle his feet walking in, he drew all their gazes but they made a conscious effort to try and keep up the conversation. Peter wasn't quite ready to join the large group of people at the table so he pushed himself up onto the breakfast bar which was facing away from them but faced Steve and Natasha's backs. Steve turned and locked eyes with Tony who nodded then kept walking over to the table.
"Hey there Pete, how you doing?" Cap asked, Natasha side eyed him after hearing the question Steve asked. How did he think Peter was doing? In reality Peter had a pit in his stomach, he felt as though there was a heavy weight on his chest, and the situation he was currently in was making him very anxious. However it wasn't like he was about to say that.
"I'm..." he considered saying fine but it seemed like a stretch that any of the avengers would believe it in that moment, "I'm getting there, Cap." He said instead. Cap merely nodded and went on making the pancakes.
"So Peter,"
"Yeah, Nat," Peters anxiety spiked as he was scared of what she would say next. 'So Peter, what the hell is wrong with you?' 'So Peter,what overcame you to be so selfish?' 'So Peter, tell me how you could be so dumb as to fail at something so simple.'
Peter didn't expect Natasha to ask him if he wanted to join her in training later in the day, and yet that is what she said. Peter tried to calm himself down, he realised that Tony had been telling him the truth when he said they didn't need to talk about it quite yet.
"That sounds nice Nat."
"Great," she replied smiling, "Now how about you take this first plate of pancakes to the table."
Peter picked up the massive stack of pancakes and carried them over to the table, setting them down in the middle and taking a seat beside Tony.
"Finally," Thor roared,"I've been starving over here."
The first plate of pancakes were followed by another two before Steve and Natasha joined them at the table. Everyone tucked in, Steve and Natasha were great cooks. There was pleasant conversation going on while they ate and everyone did their utmost best to not make Peter feel awkward. They couldn't help but be hyper aware of all his actions, they couldn't help but think about how different the Peter who talked about his death on the ledge was from the quiet Peter beneath his hoodie eating pancakes. However the more they looked the more they realised he still had the same sunken features and the same haunted look in his eyes, how had they not noticed before?

Peter tried his best with the pancakes and managed almost two of them. But he didn't have much of an appetite and so he gave up after that.
Steve subtly elbowed him, "You've not ate much Peter," he whispered so that only Peter could hear him.
"Sorry Cap, they're delicious I swear, I'm just not that hungry."
Steve sighed a little before he spoke again, he considered his words before he spoke not wanting to be too harsh on the still fragile boy.
"Okay Pete, I'm going to let it go this time. But you and I both know you need to eat more than that. Especially after the low amount you've eaten the past few days."
" I know, I Know. It's just I've got a headache and I'm not feeling great and I can't right now because I feel icky and to be honest the thought of food right now makes me want to gag." He was speaking fast, rambling. Tony took notice and patted his knee comfortingly beneath the table while Steve talked to him.
"Hey, it's okay, it's okay. You still ate some and that's good. It's nothing to stress over, okay?" Steve's words continued to come out in hushed tones and Peter nodded in reply. Peter was so mad at how worked up he'd gotten over nothing. Come on, the amount of stress you've put them through the last while you could at least be decent enough to give them the morning off. You can't even eat breakfast without almost causing a scene. He scratched
his nails across his thigh, craving a razor to get the thoughts to stop. His new problem however was he was going to have to be a bit more careful about that, he couldn't have the other avengers finding out about that one. He needed that secret.

Once breakfast was done they went their separate ways. Clint went to do the dishes and Thor went to dry as it was their turn. Natasha said she was going back to her room, Bruce to his lab, and Peter last saw Bucky and Sam bickering as they left for who knows where. Earlier Tony had asked Steve to stay, knowing Steve was generally quite good in the emotions department where Tony sometimes failed at.
"Right kid, how about we go to the living room? It's time we had a little chat."
Peter was not exited about that at all, he much preferred it when everyone just pretended he hadn't tried committing suicide the night before. He had a feeling that the 'chat' he was about to have might not allow for that method of coping.

Published: 05.07.2019