Seeing it differently now it seems like a deceitful lie.
Where to begin, just took one look of his profile online I was intrigued. Swiping him to the right felt like the right thing to do little did I know it would become my biggest regret.
They say take everyone at their own merit, treat eachother with respect. Being inexperienced with men made me blinded by his real intentions, the initial conversation had me hooked. He was polite, courteous, inviting and enticing. He had me in a daze.
Months went by we didn't plan our coffee date, was he stringing me along or did he actually not want me as more. Over time I felt like i was doing the chasing and It made me feel awful, not good enough and it hurt my confidence. He was a dream, I was mesmerised by his ways.
Finally we met, although I had to invite him out after I cancelled on him on few occasions due to timings. I wanted him to see the real me but I was blinded by not being enough for him.
Our first date wasn't anything amazing but we went bowling and went for a stroll, it felt right and I wanted more and more of him. I enjoyed being around him, he felt right and I know he felt it too.
The second date we watched a movie but it was boring, however I decided to take talk dirty playing cards with me as I thought it could be fun. We talked about it over snap before and agreed to see what the fuss was about.
I wish I had known this would be the deal breaker and my love journey would end right here. He saw me differently afterwards although nothing major happened. I showed him I wasn't looking for anything long term but he didn't know I had no experience with men before him and didn't care I hadn't been this close to any guy before, maybe it was too soon to get intimate but I did want him close to me. Not sex but close enough. He felt safe, made me happy in the moment and felt like my soul mate.
The third time I saw him was at his flat and I didn't know he wanted sex from me although he could tell I didn't know what sexual movements to do to please him but he still didn't to make me more.
I was a little curious and shaken to know why was he like that towards me, was he married or a player? I asked around one said no he isn't married others said they don't know and my sister told me he is married but doesn't live with his wife. I'm not still sure if he is, maybe that is the reason why he didn't want to take things further or pursue me in a romantic way.
Sometimes in life the universe is telling you this isn't for you, you can do better and be in a better situation but I was infatuated by the whole situation. He never really wanted me as more I was just fooling myself.
Maybe one day if we are meant to cross paths we will...
Until then goodbye Mr K 😘
