FEITY

- IOYCHM -

If Only You Could Hold me

-=-=-=-

This is a torture she put upon myself. Never again feeling his arms around her, his soft touches on her back and hair. The deepest of secrets being told to her at 4 AM in the morning through a call made from a phone boot. The white painting on the wall just getting dirtier from the time it just sited there, never being clean, never really mattering to her life. Until he went away, then those same boring walls were the only thing she could look at.

Each minute that passed was like an eternity, her dependence on him was like a drug. A drug so easy to be addicted that it should be illegal, and forbidden to even think about it. But, that didn't matter now, she was at peace with herself. Accepting that thing would never go back as to what it was, leaving the past behind to be forgotten was something she knew she could never do. But bringing it with her and accepting what happened and treasuring that failed relationship just so the burden could go away...

She accepted those sleepless nights that were spent only looking at that damn phone where now spent drawing, writing, studying. She couldn't stop time, the world would continue to turn even if she stopped. It was tragic, but also a reason to keep going. A reason to leave your mark on the world.

Studies and people say that dieing is the worst thing that can happen to someone. Believing in those words like they are the words of a saint preaching at a church is the same as believing the dishes will do themselves if you just ignore them for long enough, the same as believing that if you open the fridge after 5 minutes it will magically have the food you want inside it. 

Being invisible and being forgotten, those are the biggest fear a human have. Those sleepless nights gave her enough time to think, some people like to be alone, but, that doesn't mean they want to feel lonely. No one wants to feel forgotten by the world...