H1ghr High School

9

I muted the groupchat and took a deep breath again. I thought about what to do next. "Jay!" I called for my brother. "Gonna gripe at me some more?" Jay asked, leaning against my door frame. "I wanna talk to you about something. It's kinda serious." My eyes landed on the floor, not feeling ready to tell him all of a sudden.
Jay's face softened and he sat down next to me. "What's going on?" He sounded worried. I gulped really hard and avoided eye contact with my big brother. "Hey come on Heeji. You can tell me anything." "Are you sure?" I asked, regretting the brash decision I made to tell him. "Of course you can Heeji. Come on. You're acting like you killed someone." Jay gently hit my shoulder, smiling at me playfully. I took a very ragged breath and tried looking him in his eyes but I just couldn't. "Promise you won't tell anyone else? Even mom and dad." "Damn did you kill someone?" "Jay." I said seriously. "Okay okay. I promise." "Pinky promise." I held my pinky out. Jay laughed at my gesture. I aggressively thrusted my outstretched pinky closer to his body and he hooked his pinky around mine, repeating the promise. "Also..." I stalled actually telling him as much as I could. "Will you always love me no matter what?" "Heeji. You're my little sister. Of course I'm always gonna love you." "Even if I'm bi?" I mumbled. "Even if you're what?" Jay either didn't hear me or didn't believe what he heard. "I'm bisexual Jay." "Is that it?" Jay gave me a half smile. I nodded meakly. "Were you really scared to tell me that?" I nodded again, avoiding his face. Jay pulled me into a hug. "You're always gonna be my sister. And nothing is gonna change that." I cried only a little and only on the inside.
I wasn't expecting Jay to hate me or anything. I just wasn't expecting him to see me as valid. I was expecting to be told it was a phase or not a real thing. I'm overjoyed that he said he accepted me. I feel so good I just might tell mom and dad too. Heck I'll come out to the whole world.
"Wait how long have you known?" Jay asked me. "Since I was like 12." "How could you have kept this from me for so long?" Jay seemed offended. "I was in denial for a long time. I didn't want it to be true because I was ashamed." Jay didn't say anything and just hugged me. "Like I said, I'm glad you're out now. Thank you for trusting me." Jay smiled and patted me on the back then tussled my hair.
Jay left my room and a feeling of relief washed over my body.
I contemplated telling mom and dad when they got home but decided against it. I did, however, decide to come out to the rest of the team tommorow. Jay's reaction immediately helped with my self esteem. The more I thought about my attraction to women, the less ashamed I felt as opposed to just the other day.
I felt more relaxed about it. Of course if a cute girl were to approach me, I'd still feel rather panicked about it. I mean, whoever created girls absolutely snapped. Girls are so darn cute. I mean, look at me. I'm amazing.
Thoughts of girls swirled through my mind the rest of the night well into my dreams.
I woke up on time and got to morning practice with Jay on time. Coach arrived and I told him that before everyone started practice, I had a small announcement I wanted to make.
Everyone arrived and huddled around me, eager to hear what I had to say, even Coach.
Standing in front of all these rather more than attractive boys made me only a little nervous. "Well... some of you already know what I'm about to say...3 of you to be exact..." I was stalling again. I looked to Jay then to Ted and Haon.
Ted and Haon seemed to know what I was about to say as they grabbed eachother's hands and started smiling excitedly. "This isn't really that big of a deal but I feel secure in myself enough to tell all of you now... I consider you guys my friends so I just want all you to know I am bisexual." I let it out like word vomit. "Knew it." Jarvis said almost immediately. "How could you have possibly known?" I crossed my arms in protest. "You cuff your jeans...all the time." "So?" I got defensive. "That's literally signalling to everyone that you're bi." Jarvis rolled his eyes. "That's hot." Danny said, smiling at me.
Coach seemed to be shocked and it seemed to be the general consensus that it was fairly obvious I wasn't straight.
Everyone started practice and I sat back and watched, reviewing the roster for our next game.
Minsik took a break and leaned against the dugout. I could feel him staring at me and I felt my face getting red because of him. I glanced up and he was indeed staring at me. "So have you been with a girl before?" "No." "Then how do you know you're bi?" "How do you know you're straight if you've never been with anyone at all?" I answered his question with a question. "Fair point." He took an exaggerated breath and wiped some sweat from his forehead. "Have you ever been with a guy?" Minsik gave me a suggestive grin. "In what sense?" "In any sense." Minsik laughed lightly. Coach yelled at Minsik before I could answer him.