𝙶𝚒𝚛𝚕 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔 💋

How do I deal with a toxic family member?

A:

We can always choose our friends, but never our family. When you think about the word 'family', you think about people who will be there for you, help you, guide you and support you, but not all families are like that. Families might have some qualities which you do not like and are morally wrong. Living in a toxic home affects your mental condition greatly. To come home to your controlling parents or a sibling who treats you like their sworn enemy is a difficult experience for anyone.

Here are few tips on dealing with them

1. Make sure you aren't being toxic yourself

Be sure to look in the mirror prior to pointing fingers.

Sometimes, we will think someone is mistreating us and not take into account how we have treated them.

If you are sure you aren't exhibiting any toxic behaviors, skip to step two.

If you realize you might be being toxic as well, think about the way you interact with this person, and try to get rid of any toxic behaviors you may have exhibited yourself.

For example, if you are constantly getting angry with a parent for being too controlling, try and consider why they may act this way.

Look at their point of view and try to be understanding.

It may seem like they just want to control your life, but in reality, it might be that they are trying to protect you from things they dealt with at your age and save you from heartache.

Maybe, they are trying to protect you and keep you out of danger.

Have perspective.

If you are at fault too, try and talk to the person and see how you both can change and treat one another better.

2. Be honest

If you are sure you aren't the one being toxic, then you need to confront the one that is.

Be honest with them about their toxic traits and how hurtful they are to you.

Let them know how it distances you from them, and respectfully ask them why they act the way they do.

This is a scary step, but it is necessary for possible reconciliation.

If the person is too toxic for you to even confront them though, skip to step three.

If the person gives you answers on why they act the way they do, try to be understanding.

Often, people don't even realize they're being toxic until they are confronted.

If the person is apologetic, try and give them suggestions on how they can be more pleasant to be around and on how they can change.

3. Distance is necessary sometimes

If the person is too toxic for you to confront or apologizes only to continue exhibiting the same behaviors, it's time to put some distance between them and you.

Try to spend as little time around this toxic person as you possibly can.

Try to find people, or just ONE person that is positive in your life and spend time with them to help you through this.

You need the reassurance and comfort.

Try to give yourself as much self-care and love as possible, so their hurtful action and words won't affect you as badly.

Try not to focus on the toxic person too much and instead focus on yourself and the good people and good things in your life as best as you can.

It's hard; we get it.

Just remember your worth is not decided by how others make you feel.

You are loved.

~SGC