Asking Why

Surprises are kind of Ugly

I strongly dislike surprises

My dress flows behind me as I make my way to the center

They're are really just lies dipped in sugar coating.

My head is held high, and I can feel the eyes on me; I hope they're proud

Secrets that make people happy for some reason.

The white lights shine bright as I approach my peers

As you might have guessed, they aren't my favorite.

I share quick smiles with those who aren't in a daze- though I smile at the ones that are

In fact I think they're ugly.

I find myself standing next to my close friend Ash

Apparently the feeling is mutual

I know we will probably be chosen as partners for life

They tricked me into feeling safe

The chance of us being chosen for each other is reassuring

Then ripped the floor from under me

It's almost a definite outcome

I wanted Ash

He is beautiful too

He is so much like me

I look around for my Uncle Remus and Aunt Fae

I can't imagine my family's disappointment

I spot them and make eye contact

I don't ever want to have to face them

My uncle waves excitedly and I see my Aunt pull his hand down

I wonder if they'll even acknowledge me

I chuckle under my breath when my uncle pouts and I laugh a little when my Aunt winks at me and waves discreetly

The embarrassment they must feel

I realize I've been straightening up unconsciously

The embarrassment I feel

Ash's fingers meet mine for just a second before retracting

I need to calm down

It's a tiny gesture but it's enough to relax me

But there is no one who can help me anymore

Thanks to my name I'm the first

This is good

I wish I'd gone later

I doubt anybody else would appreciate it as much as I do

I'm sure she would've been chosen with Cassidy or Julia if I had

I strongly dislike suspense

She would be good with either of them

It's better just to get it over with

But instead when they called my name,

I suppose I still believe that.

And the elders made their decision known

But this crushing feeling in my chest is almost as lethal... That stupid name.

The name they spoke was like a punch in the chest.

Kali.

"Kali."