Darkest Days|| Poetry and Prose

Goodbye

It happened at night most of the time.

I eventually noticed his happiness decline.

I would kiss them goodnight and head up to bed.

Soft blankets of dreams due to enter my head.

I'd be falling to sleep when I heard the shouts.

The name calling, threats and spoken doubts.

I would begin to panic and shut my eyes tight.

My heart pounding hard in sorrow and fright.

As a child, there was nothing worse than this.

The beating that always came after the goodnight kiss.

I would feel the shame as I heard the fists against skin.

I wanted to help, but the fear would sink in.

I often took care of another.

He was younger than me.

My baby brother,

Lay curled up on my knees.

With eyes full of tears I would begin to say,

Once upon a time, on a happy sunny day.

I was brave for him, but not for my mum.

The mornings were awful when i saw what he'd done.

Broken bones and blackened eyes.

Shows the visual of the previous night.

My mum would lie and say she fell.

I would nod along. But the truth I knew well.

I remembered the start. The whiskey on his breath.

I remembered the middle. Me, trying my best.

I remembered the end. Her loudly wishing his death.

I remember being scared to grow older.

Thinking all relationships were like this.

A forward, cocky attitude had me growing bolder.

But sometimes, oblivion is bliss.

I remember not being sad that he died.

Later, the guilt ate me alive.

I've never seen his grave or even tried.

Because he was the reason I had to blink my tears away at night.

Forgiveness is hard when the fault shaped your life.

But I believe I'm ready, to say goodbye.