Don't Mess With Her

c h a p t e r • 22

"You only study when your thoughts are messed up. What happened?" She says, sitting in the edge of the bed.

"I'm fine." I lie.

"Ugh, don't fûck with me, Lili. I know you're not." She says with an eyeroll.

I chuckle at her.

"I'm your main bitch and bestie. You can tell me anything." She says, putting her hand on mine.

I sigh.

"It's hard you know. Acting like everything's okay. Like I'm okay. Like I'm not dying inside. Like I don't have nightmares about seeing someone I loved covered in his own blood, because of me!" I sobbed a little.

"It hurts. It just hurts so much. I don't know what to do anymore! I feel like I'm dying but I'm still breathing and walking. Everyday is just a reminder of how my life is supposed to be miserable and the only ray of sunshine I had is gone! It's gone! He's gone! He left me alone in this world for me to suffer alone! I don't know if I could still love after him." Tears were streaming down my face and I felt stupid.

All I do now is cry and cry and cry. It's a never ending cry-fest.

Sam hugs me tightly and caresses my hair.

"Shhh...just let it all out, babygirl." She says softly as I cry into her shoulder.

"I...I...it hurts...I can't do this anymore! And then he came along...he had this facade on him. He showed affection towards me. He's so loving yet people misunderstand him. But I screwed up...we couldn't be together. It was stupid of me to think...to think..." I cut myself off my breaking down again.

"Ryder?" Sam asks and I nod.

"Oh no, sweetie what happened this time?" Sam says with worry laced in her voice.

"We...we were making out but then I...I screw up. I ended whatever we had before it got out of hand. It's just wrong, Sam. I can't do this to Kyle. I can't hurt him, too." I say sobbing.

She hugs me tighter.

"Don't worry." She caresses my hair. "I think you just found your ray of sunshine again." She mutters quietly that I almost didn't hear it.

We pull away and look at each other.

"You know what we need to do? We need to get your mind off all this. We need to crash a party." Sam smirks.

"Sam-" She cut me off.

"I understand if you don't want to go. But-" I cut her off.

"I was going to say, I'm not sure what to wear." I laugh lightly through tears.

"Oh. Great! Amazing! I'll help you!" She says, standing up and pulling me with her.

I laugh lightly at her as she pulls me to my closet.

That's wasn't meant to sound dirty...

-•-

After a short shower, and a hell lot of clothes thrown my way, being stabbed in the eye a couple times and getting burnt on the neck, I was finally done.