GRAVE TALKS | JJK

e

february twenty eighth.

it had been a month since jungkook had seen nara's parents, but the encounter was still fresh in his mind. he thought about it all the time, though it wasn't like he had much else to think about. his hyungs practically had him on house arrest. until today, that is.

the boys finally trusted jungkook enough to let him go out by himself. jungkook was so ready to be out of the house, but he wasn't even sure what he would do. just the feeling of fresh air in his lungs was tempting enough that he didn't need a reason. he didn't exactly have any other friends. nevertheless, he put on a light coat, his black combat boots and his dark sunglasses and walked out the door.

the weather was surprisingly nice. he could tell spring was right around the corner. his boots sloshed in the slush that was melting beneath them, creating an odd, squishy rhythm for his stroll. jungkook only hoped no one would recognize him. he had barely been successful in staying under the radar when taehyung and hoseok took him out for ice cream the week before. the lady sitting behind them had come up to them and asked for autographs, and jungkook had narrowly escaped into the bathroom just in time. jungkook was almost glad she interfered, he had a chance to wipe the fake smile off his face in the bathroom for a few minutes.

jungkook didn't know how long he walked for. he lost all sense of time and place, feeling peacefully disconnected from the world. not having a phone or a watch would do that to a person, he supposed. he just walked, enjoying thinking of nothing for once. the absence of thought wasn't a luxury jungkook had the pleasure of experiencing often, even when it was the thing he wanted most.

nowadays, he was thinking less and less of himself and more and more of nara. the conversation with her parents had given him a lot to think about. just seeing their faces had brought fresh memories to his mind. it was like a ripple effect. anything he did, he was reminded of the girl he loves. well, he guessed he should say loved, but he was still working on that.

the -ed in place of the -s on the end of the word felt foreign on his tongue. he had loved many things before, like baseball and drawing when he was younger and music before nara died, but he never thought he would have to say he loved nara. jungkook knew it was right to move on, to switch tenses and permanently put their relationship in the past, but it pained him almost more than the thought of nara dying in the first place. he wasn't ready, not yet. he didn't know if he ever would be, but he would sure as hell try.

the other thing that nara's parents brought to his attention was how he blamed himself. that was one thing he was sure he would never forgive himself for. they all told him nara's death wasn't his fault. his hyungs, his parents, her parents, the police and the doctors and therapist. but jungkook knew. he knew the truth. he knew that everything that happened that night was a result of his stupid decisions and overall foolishness. he would always hate himself for it, no matter how many times he would have to say that he didn't. he figured he would have to say it a lot.

jungkook was finally snapped out of his thoughts when he ran directly into a trash bag. or rather, someone holding a trash bag. they were so short and the trash bag so large that jungkook couldn't even see their face behind it. he stumbled, but managed to catch the trash bag when the person holding it dropped it.

"oh my god, i'm so sorry. i completely couldn't see, i'm so sorry—" the woman stopped short when she looked at him for the first time. jungkook couldn't decipher the unreadable expression on her face. wispy strands of black hair escaped the bun at the nape of her neck and framed her features nicely. she had a baby face, chubby cheeks dotted with freckles, hazel eyes under short lashes. chapped, full lips that were gaping at him. she looked familiar, and jungkook couldn't put his finger on why.