Alison POV.
To say the past month has been terrible would be an understatement. A has been sending me photo's none stop of Emily being sad and threatening me at every turn. I am practically living 24/7 in my little hide out because if I so much as see Em, our deal is off and A hurts her. The only amount of comfort I have now is a bottle and a sharp object. I know I promised Em I would stop, but it's impossible now. I'm not going to take it all the way because I need to protect Emily but it takes the edge off.
The girl's aka Aria and spencer think that I have currently gone on a long term 2 month business trip with my dad and am taking my courses online till I get back. I'm so surprised they bought that lame lie but whatever floats your boat. Looking around my small hideout, I see my make-shift shelve has some whisky and I decide that will be the comfort of choose tonight.
As I reach for it, my sleeve rolls up slightly to expose some red marked skin and I know the marks are infected. Those cuts are nearly a week old and haven't healed even in the slightest. They still burn when not covered also so that helped me guess that they were a tad infected. Ignoring the pain, I grab the whisky and immidatly crack it open. I know its only 4:05 pm but I need to be numb and its 7 pm somewhere. This is how I live my life now being either drunk or hung over and doing the odd online calculus course. Hell, it's even how I spent my Christmas. Being reminded of Christmas almost makes me want to cry because it is Emily's favorite holiday and even though her dad was down, (Her dad is back in Texas now and her mum is working night shifts at the police station) A sent me photos of her crying. Usually they have a caption about how does it feel to break her heart and emotional comments like that. I wish she would know that I'm only doing this to protect her but I can't tell her that. When A sent those text messages, I took a photo of them so that when I figure out who this bitch is, I can prove to Em that what I felt for her is real. That I was being forced practically to break up with her. At this thought I down some whiskey straight from the bottle because I know I'm going to drink most of it anyway.
By the fifthth gulp I feel the familiar buzz and by the seventh I feel almost numb. The memories fade from my mind almost except for one. I wonder how Emily is today? It's a stupid thought but it never leaves the back of my brain. I take another gulp because eventually the thought dies down but this time it refuses to leave my thought process. Suddenly, more thoughts start to pop up and my numb feeling I had fades. Putting my hands against my ears, I attempt to block them out but they won't so I take another gulp. This is gulp nine and I know I'm totally wasted but the feelings and questions remain.
"Fucking god, stop." I scream to myself. "Please just stop. Please." I plead now quieter. Rubbing my eye's, the well known feeling of tears hit's the palms of my hands. Out of nowhere I stand up and grab the whiskey bottle. My legs pull me out of my hideout and it is as if my body is moving at its own accord. I know my direction immediately and my brain is mentally screaming at me to turn back around. But I can't because my body disires to be somewhere else and refuses to listen. It wants to be with Emily, where I feel safe and welcome and loved. In my drunken state it takes me 25 minutes to walk to her house and when I get there, her driveway is empty. Of course, I think to myself, she has a life Alison, she isn't gonna just sit around all the time.
I walk up to her porch and sit down, clutching my whiskey. My numbness begins to fade again so I take 3 more gulps and the my eye lids begin to droop but a car pulls in, just before I fall asleep wasted. I hear a gasp and try to stand up but tumble forward. As I'm about to land on my face, a pair of familiar hands catch me and place me back upright.
"Ali?" Em asks, completely confused. My nerves begin to catch up to me so I attempt to take a drink from the bottle in my hand. As it touches my lips, Em takes the bottle away and I reach for it like a toddler reaching for a toy.
"Give it back Emmy." I whine but she just shakes her head no.
"Your wasted Alison." She replies simply. Out of nowhere I blurt out.
"I've missed you so much Emmy. It has been so scary without you."
"Then why the hell did you leave in the first place!" She say's grabbing my arm and I wince.
"Emmm that hurts me, stop it." I plead because it truly did hurt. She let's go and looks at me with such worry that I can feel my heart break and mend at the same time.
"Alison why did that hurt you?" Emily asks, already knowing the answer. I stay silent because I am so ashamed that I broke her promise and that I went back to old ways.
"Alison DiLaurentis why did that freaking hurt you!" She stares at me with such conflict in her eye's and everything inside me break's. Even though I have no right, I start to sob and clutch my body around me as if its cold out. Seconds later, my body in enveloped in a hug that makes me feel the safe for the first time in a month. As we stand there, me sobbing and Emily hugging I chant over and over again how sorry I am. Sorry for everything.
"Shhh, Ali. Breath ok just breath." She announces trying to sooth me on her front porch.
"I-I didn't wa-want to bre-break up with yo-you Emmy." I say in my still drunken state.
"Wait what do you mean Alison?" She questions slowly and I instantly curse. A is gonna hurt her now just because I can't handle my alcohol and was lonely.
"I um I gotta go." I slur and grab my whiskey from beside me. Em reaches for my wrist and grabs it just in time, pulling me back towards her
"You aren't going out alone like this, not with A out there." At the mention of A, I rip my wrist from her grasp and simply reply with, "that's why I can't stay."
As I walk away, my tears still drip from my face and I hear Em call for me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a black hooded figure.
"Is this what you want A! To see me broken! Well not anymore." In my drunken mentality, I charge the hooded figure. 50ft away, 40ft away, 30ft away and so on. When I'm 10ft maximum from it, they smile and pull out there phone as if to taunt me. Then I see they press a button on it and a computer voice rings through the speakers.
*having fun yet? Because I am -kisses A* After I hear the recording, all that is visible to me is red. As if somebody put a red piece of cardboard in front of my face but just as I take a step, A pulls out a pistol.
"Go ahead and shoot! See if I care, maybe if you killed me you would leave them alone." I scream and just as I start to run, somebody grabs me from behind. I thrash until their voice clicks in and I settle.
"Ali, no ok. I'm not going to lose you like that. In a hail of bullet's, completely wasted off your ass." All I do as she talks is stand still and stare at where A had been.
After a minute of silence, I turn around face Em. My numbing of emotions now gone, I look into her eye's and kiss her for the first time in a month. She pulls away quickly and shakes her head. Each time she shakes her head no, my heart shatters a small bit inside and I look away to head the hurt in my eye's.
"Ali you've been gone for a month with and you haven't called. You haven't even sent a text message. You broke my heart."
"And breaking your heart broke mine. Em you are all I want and A told me that if I even looked at you this person would hurt you. I've been relapsing because A took away one of the main reasons I'm still here and held the way I felt for you as a blackmail opportunity."
"Alison what do you mean relapse? Does this have anything to do with you wincing before?" All I do in response is nod and she opens her arms to hug me. I graciously accept but I know this is only the beginning of a recovery to our previous relationship that I miss so dearly.
"I still love you." I state slurring slightly.
"I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I know I still love you to Ali but we're gonna have to work on this a bit. Let's go inside ok?" She half asks, half states. I grip onto her shirt and follow her lead. Half way up the stairs though I trip and let go of Em so she doesn't fall with me. My knee collides with the edge of the step and I slides down the stairs, my head getting knocked in the process. Then it's pitch black.
