The Daughter's Mistake

Chapter 19

"Would it be so bad for me to do the same?" I ask as I continue to cry, harder than before.

"Forget things like that. You can fight through this."

"I don't know if I can do this anymore, Sam. I'm getting to the point where I'm terrified to fall asleep. The dreams, they're so vivid. I...I can't...I can't do anything to stop them. They're becoming so frequent, I can feel something big is coming. I don't want to be a monster, Sam."

"You're not a monster," Sam says and he takes my face in his hands, pressing his lips to my forehead, "You would never be a monster. Don't let this demon blood define you. You are the farthest thing from a demon."

I back away from him and start laughing, finding myself to be completely hysterical. I keep pushing myself away from everyone it seems, keeping everything secret. I can't do it. I might explode.

"Olivia, I need you to talk to me. I want to know what's wrong so I can help you deal with it."

"But that's the thing! I don't want to deal with it! I want to get rid of it! I want to be normal. I just...I don't know what I really, truly want."

"I can help you figure that out. But I can't have you pushing me away all the time, not anymore. It kills me, seeing you suffer from what I went through. It seems you're dealing with something more severe than what I dealt with. So please, let me help. I need you to talk to me."

"What else do you need?"

"You. I need to be able to be that person you turn to. You can't keep depending on Castiel, you never know about him. Dean and Bobby, they both just assume that he'll come if they mention your name. Yes, he has helped you, he does care about you, but I am always going to be here."

"You know, Dean said the same thing. He said that he cared, said that I would always have him, but then he went and deserted me right after you got locked in the cage. How do I know that you won't do the same thing?" Sam walks toward me and I back away, shrinking in fear. Then there's a moment where I can see him, soulless Sam, striding toward me and slamming me up against the wall like he always would. I keep backing away until I can't anymore, I'm standing there in the corner of my room. I shrink to the floor and bring my knees to my chest, and wrapping my arms around myself.

Sam is really Sam, I have to keep reminding myself this to keep myself calm. He sinks down to my level and looks at me, not saying anything. Then I look up at him and meet his eyes. I can see his eyes are wet with tears too, but why would he be crying?

"Let me help you," he says quietly, almost in a whisper. At that moment, I just collapse in his arms. I fall and Sam catches me right before I smack my face off of the hardwood floor in my bedroom. I sbo uncontrollably, all my feelings that I have kept inside are like the wall inside Sam's head -- they're all crumbling down.

Sam and I sit there, backs against the wall, I'm wrapped in his arms. I manage to stop crying, after the worst breakdown I've had in months. I've come to realize how exhausted I truly am, and my eyes start to go heavy with sleep. "Don't...leave..." I say sleepily.

Sam picks me up and carries me over to my bed. He lays me on the bed, covering me up, and then he crawls into bed beside me. Out of my exhaustion, I turn around and face Sam. I bury my face into his shoulder, his scent is the only thing I can smell now.

"We can fight this," I say.

"Fight what?" he replies.

"Fate."

He chuckles, and when he laughs it makes me move with him. "Why would you need to fight fate?"

"So I can stay with you."