She's My Girl

five

~Jazzy's POV~

"Diego please lay down."

"I want mommy, titi." He cries.

"Diego she's coming to get you tomorrow morning. And she said that depending on her work load we can hang out all together. She said I can meet Emma too."

"She say dat?"

"Yeah. She also wanted you to start drinking from your bottle."

"No? She no say dat."

"Yes she did. Come." I wait for him and we go to the kitchen. "You don't like drinking from cups and your mommy is not here, so you gotta use you bottle. Can you please use it for me?"

"I twy."

"Try."

"I twy."

"You know what never mind. Let me make your bottle." I go into the fridge and take out the breastmilk. I lift Diego up on to the counter so he can see what I'm doing. I clean his bottle and put the milk in the microwave to warm it up. I pour the milk in the bottle and twist on the cap. "Here papa."

"Tank you." He takes it and inspects it. "How I do it?"

"Put it in your mouth and drink." He does what I say. "Good."

"It taste como mamá."

"That's because it is."

"You take my milk?" He accuses.

"No papa your mummy gave it to me for you." I take him off the corner and carry him on me hip. "After you finish your bottle and nap we can go to the park."

"I don't wanna go... I scared."

"What are you cascaded of. You can play in the sandbox and make new friends."

"I don't want friends."

"Why not?" I walk back to my room with him. "Oh look your daddy's back," I say as I pass by Hector's room. "Wanna see him?" He nods happily.

"Hi daddy." I put my nephew down and he walks over to Hector, who's playing video games.

"Hector can you put the controller down and pay attention to your son." I snap at him in Spanish.

"Cállate Jazzy! I wanna beat the level."

"Wow! You can't pay attention to your son to save your life. Diego go to my room."

"No he can stay here. He's my son."

"Then act like it damnit! You have a responsibility to take care of him and here you are paying fucking video games!"

"Watch who your speaking to!"

"Chingao! Your son wanted to see you! You say you want to be better for him but you're still the same Hector who let the best woman slip away. You aren't a role model and you'll never be. You better hope he doesn't turn out like you."

"Get out!" He pushes me and takes Diego. He locks the door. I bang on it and huff in defeat.

~Hector's POV~

"Hey Diego," I sigh.

"Hi daddy." He smiles at me. "Some?" He offers me his bottle. He looks just like me. I'm a quarter Puertorriqueño, a quarter black, and a half Mexican just like my sister, Jazzy. He looks just like me and I look just like my father.

"No I don't want any. That's for you." I brush his hair. "Taste good?" He nods. "Diego I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He smiles faintly.

"Hey Diego I gotta tell you something." I pull him on to my bed. He looks at me. "I'm not ready to be your daddy. When your mommy told me that you were gonna be a thing, I freaked out. I'm still surprised she lets me see you. I hurt her and I'm hurting you. I know you don't have a clue as to what I'm talking about but you will one day. I'm probably not gonna see you for a while."

"I see you daddy."

"Now you do but after today... you won't. The only way for me not hurt you is if I stay away. I'm gonna move back to Cali with my dad."

"Hm?"

"You won't see me anymore Diego."

"No more daddy?" He becomes sad.

"Yes." He starts crying. "Shh." It only makes him cry more and louder.

Bang! Bang!

"Hector why is he crying?!" Jazzy asks from the other side of the door. I pick him up and walk to the door.

"Here." I open the door and pass him off to my sister.

"Why is he crying?" Diego is trying to get back to me. He reaches for me but close the door. "Hector?" She bangs on the door. I grab my big suitcase can and start packing my things. This was my last chance to see my son and I'm blowing it.

-night time-

Diego is still crying. He's been crying all day and it's because of me. I get up from my bed and leave my room. I walk into Jazzy's room and I pick up my son and he stops crying. I walk out the room and go back to my room. I sit with him on the bed and rock him. He had his bottle and it's warm. He starts to calm down and drifts off to sleep. I lay down and he lays on my chest.

"I love you Diego." I kiss his forehead and wait for him to fall asleep. In the morning I will be gone before anyone in the house knows.