Void // Billie Eilish

Eight

I blush a bit and finish off the joint before flicking the roach into the sink. "2 and a half years," I answer her original question and smile. "I haven't stopped loving her since we met."

Shay smiles softly at that, but then frowns when she senses my mood shift. She was always so good at knowing how I was feeling, even if I try to hide my true emotions.

"What's wrong?" she asks and I sigh softly.

"She doesn't love me back," I say sadly and hang my head. "Not anymore."

"What makes you say that?" she asks curiously and I roll my eyes to myself when I think about it.

"All she wants to do is fuck or hang out with other people. She never wants to be alone with me and talk shit out and move forward," I grumble and keep looking down at the floor. "And she never says it back."

"That doesn't mean she doesn't still love you though," she says and I look up at her, finding her hazel eyes staring into mine. "It could just mean she's scared."

"That's what I thought at first, but now I'm not sure," I say honestly. "I think she just wants to fuck around and nothing more."

"Well then she's an idiot," she says and hops off the counter to walk closer to me. "You're worth more than a fuck, Lexi. You deserve someone who knows that."

Okay, I know I said that Shay is friendly and flirty with everyone, but this feels like way more than that.

"I feel bad for calling her an idiot, she seems really nice actually," she adds when I don't say anything and I laugh because she's just how I remember her from high school; not a mean bone in her body.

"Why did you ever date me?" I ask while still laughing. "You're so much nicer than me."

"You're the nicest person I know when you actually care about someone," she argues and I smile softly but then frown again and shake my head.

"I hurt you," I say quietly and she rolls her eyes.

"I'm over it," she says simply and glances down at the phone in her hand. "I gotta go and get ready for work."

I pout slightly, which she notices and chuckles at. I catch her staring down at my lips, and she lingers for a second before meeting my eyes again.

"Look, I'm not gonna make a move on you when you're in love with someone else and confused and all that shit. That doesn't really seem fair," she starts, and I can see the genuine care in her eyes. "But I want you to know that I want to. So if you ever realize you want more than sex, I'll take you out on a date just like old times."

My heart flutters a little at her words but I just stare at her dumbly, at a loss for words. On one hand, her offer is tempting. She's smart and gorgeous and kind and was an amazing girlfriend to me, but on the other hand none of that matters when you're not actually in love with someone.

And I'm in love with Billie, not Shay.

"I-"

"You don't have to reply," she cuts me off and steps closer. "For now we're still just friends, you can ignore everything I just said if you want."