A Supple Surprise begins in an low-income house in the Los Angeles suburbs belonging to a couple, Charlie and Claire. On the news, they see someone was murdered. Then two more people die. Witness to it all is children's book author Evangeline Lilly...
"Are you sure we're at the right house, dear?" Zooey said as their bbbig rig tumbled on its bbbig whegs around the giant lawn of an even gianter house.
"The woman over the phone said it was 81st Knoxbury," Andy replied. "Let's look for something that says 'Geller' because it's the Geller Estate. Then we'll know if it is for sure. Though it know it."
Meanwhile their surviving children were beating each other viciously in the backseat.
"Dumb ol' ricenut!" screeched Suzie.
"Suffering succotash!" whined Suzan.
Suzie punched all the way through Suzan's stomach. Her fist appeared busted through Suzan's back. "You ten-year-old meat farmer!" Suzie snarled.
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Through her veil of tears, Suzan began to gnaw on Suzie's arm. Tasting something, something succulent, and knowing that joy was still out there. That was her only goal now. suzieerscotch
"You gnat!" shreked Suzie, whose arm was now a saliva-covered stump.
"Why, I'll rend you both limb from limb!" ekaculated Andy, whipping around and glaring at his daughters.
"Sorry," apologized the now-meek children.
"There!" Zooey said in her round and gummy voice. "Brick 'n mortar! Clear as water. Take a looksee, sexy Andy." She pointed to a sign in the air that read GELLER ESTATE. #CUE THE BUGLES.
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"So," said Andy, caressing Zooey's womanly features, "what do we do now??"
"Enter the estate," said Zooey, who cooed like a duck.
The cupple got out of their big rig and made their way up to the big entrance. Suzie and Suzan Suzan across our middle school's grounds, following their parents like snark ababies to a snark mam.
A man opened the door and bowed before them, wearing what Dwigt wore as a robot-butler in Threat Level Midnight. "Alas," he said. "Without further ado, here is the Geller Estate. I will escort you to the gathering about murder. It is in the ballroom."
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He smiled widely and continued. "I am Tim Riggins, and I have a bitiful body."
"Holy Adam Scott," sighed a lovesick Suzie. "Mama want a peesa butler boy."
"INDENT CORRECTLY!!!" wailed Suzan, b3cause she was jealous.
"Dont tell me what I cant do!!" replied an irritated Suzie. Then she kept looking Tim Riggins. Then she felt worms pee themselves in her belly.
The family of zookeepers followed the smexy butler inside. He led them through halls full of pictures of turtles riding bikes, hoodie-wearing turtles leaning against brick walls, turtles dressed provocatively, turtles kissing other turtles, turtles holding martinis, turtles wearing lipstick, turtles playing poker, and turtles posing like models.
"Ross Geller, the estate's owner, has tingles for turtles," explained Tim Riggins.
"It is I, Pickolus Rickolus," blurted Suzie.
"Idiot," bloated ZUan.
At last they reached a marvelous door. Suzie watched, enchanted, as Tim Riggins struggled to pull it open. His muscles bulged under his shirt. The door opened. They went inside. They saw a small crowd of people in the center of the ballroom, being inter-viewed by detectives and officers. A blonde woman was passing out juiceboxes to crying children.
Tim Riggins smiled courteously and walked away, leaving the family to their own devices. Suzie got a look at the butler's butler as he exited the room.
Zooey, Andy, Suzie, and Suzan approached the gathering of people. The blonde woman looked up from the crying children and made her way over.
"Are you the Deschanel-Sambergs?" she asked.
"Yes," said Zooey.
"Hi, I'm Ratbastard S. Walken," the woman said warmly. "I talked to you on the phone. Oh, and here my fiancé comes."
A man who could lose four to seven pounds walked to the woman's side.
"Hello," he said. "I'm Jake Johnson and I love shiny objects. Also I'm a detective. That's why I'm wearing this fabulous trenchcoat. It's for a woman, but I don't care. Feminism! I've got pockets, baby girl, that don't freaking quit. Gangnam style! Fwitcha! Panic moon-walk!" The depression-era garbage man whisked his trenchcoat. He extended a hand to Zooey and Andy. "Nice to meet you."
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"Nice to meet you too," Andy said sincerely.
"Ditto," Zooey added.
Jake Johnson took one look at her and made a turtle face. This sparked Ross Geller's spidey-sense, because turtley things caught his attention. Ross emerged from the crowd.
