RANT

Ha, gaaaaaayyyy

Yes I named the chapter that bc this is me kinda ranting about me being hella gay right now

Okay so first of all, I am Bi, but I do like girls more the dudes, so a lot of the time I'll go "too gay for this shit" because I do feel more attracted to females then males.

That doesn't mean I don't like dudes, but I'd honestly rather date a female other then a male.

Now that that's out of the way, since high school I've definitely felt waaaay more gay than ever.

I've had, I think like three, girl crushes this school year, and I've had.... zero guy crushes this whole year, besides celebs and a few guys I'll look at and go "he look nice"

Anyways, this first girl, she's a sophomore, and she is reeeaaaaallllllyyy nice looking

Which sounds bad

But she is.

Anyways, I had a class with her, and we take the same bus.

So I would look at her, be like "She's really pretty" and it was like that for a month.

That's it.

Second crush, way more complicated, like that was a mess

I questioned like everything.

Everything.

This was a uh..... baaaad time.

I was soo depressed then too

It was.

A mess.

Anyways on to third crush.

So third crush is this girl I'm good friends with, which makes this harder but oh well

She's real sweet, we have a lot in common, we share a birthday, we have a shit ton of references, and it's just... it's a pure friendship.

But she's on of those up and personal people

Which makes me think "hm well is she flirting or is she... being herself...?"

But I also had this dream

It was of her and I

and we

We owned a bakery.

That's it.

Just pure.

But my cat woke me up so I only got a little bit of it.

But it made me think.

Like, I want that to happen.

I want to own a stupid little Bakery with this person

Which is weird bc I'm 15 and I shouldn't be thinking about who I want to spend forever with

But

I want that.

I used to have this code that I only wanted to live till 25, then call it off.

But now

I wanna grow old with some girl I have a theatre class with.

Which

Is new

I have a twenty one pilots lyric in my head now

"I used to say I wanna die before I'm old but because of you I might think twice"

Which s what I'm feelings.

Which is new.

So

Yeah

Enjoy my gayness

Both gay being happy and gay being... well gay.

Skeet Yeet

See y'all later