Broken Beyond Repair

Chapter 1 - Already Broken

"Son of Satan," I muttered to myself, not realising that there was another person already in the room. "Monster. Spawn of evil. Doesn't deserve life. Should be broken. Should hurt. Should try to die. Should be killed by exorcists. No... should end own life. Already broken. Good... Should be bleeding. Shouldn't sleep. Shouldn't eat..."

I then fell silent, stopping myself from breathing. I shouldn't be allowed to breathe the same air as everybody else. They were humans who had a life ahead of them. They didn't want me to live so why should I?

The other person in the room was Suguro. I couldn't see him but I could hear his breathing. He sounded scared. Not of me, but for me. That was odd... I would have to be nicer to him. Clearly he didn't quite hate me as much as I thought.

Or was he just scared for my sanity? Perhaps he hadn't heard what I had been muttering... Well, I lost what small amount of real sanity I had thanks to him and the others so I guess he really souldn't be scared for that...

"Suguro," I said after quite a while. I turned to look at his face which was covered in fear, concern and confusion. "Do you want me to die?"

He didn't seem to be able to answer that question. What a shame... I really did want to know the answer. I tried again.

"Do you want me to die?"

His lips moved but only a small squeak came out. I frowned.

"I'm sorry, that was a strange question to ask." I then gave my normal goofy grin and pretended that nothing had happened. "Morning. Wonder what Yukio's gonna teach us today. Probably gonna give me a lecture and tell me off s'more. Don't you think? He can be a real pain."

I then turned back around so that I was facing the front and got a manga from my bag and began reading it. Or at least, pretending to read it. I was really just trying to work out whether Suguro wanted me to die or not. I ended up assuming that he did in fact want me dead. Just like everybody else.

More people began coming in the room. I ignored them. Completely. Not even lifting my eyes to show that I knew they were there. I didn't even do anything besides turn the page of my manga when Shiemi hesitantly sat down next to me, inching ever so slightly away from my seat.

I only looked up when Yukio walked in.

It was warm in the room and I despirately wanted to roll up my sleeves but then that would mean that my secret would be out. While it would be fun to see their reactions, I wasn't quite ready to let the cat out of the bag.

I reached down to but the manga back in my bag and then I rested my head on the table. I was beginning to have a headache and I wasn't sure how much more of the heat I could take.

"Something the matter, Rin?" Yukio asked, looking sternly at me.

I lifted my head off the table and rested my chin on my hand instead.

"No," I said.

If anybody normal were to hear me saying that, they would instantly pick up on the fact that I was a) exhausted and b) potentially coming down with a fever. Nobody else looked like they were melting with the heat and my headache had turned into a killer migrane.

My vision was becoming blurry and I couldn't hear what Yukio was saying anymore. Luckily, he had stopped talking to me so wouldn't tell me off for ignoring him. I tried my best to stay awake and look like I was at least paying a bit of attention.

I then felt something warm trickly down my arm. Shit, I thought. Why now of all times?

I positioned my arm in a way that hopefully, the blood from one of my cuts wouldn't show through my white shirt and if it did, nobody would be able to see it.

Apparently it didn't work because as my vision was clearing a bit and my migrane was dulling, I heard Shiemi let out a small gasp. My head shot towards her and she was looking at my left arm with horror on her face. I followed her gaze and realised that more than one of my cuts had opened up.

"Don't..." I began to whisper before giving up and rolling up my sleeve enough so that she and I could see but nobody else.

Shiemi looked like she was about to faint. I didn't blame her really. I got some bandages out from my bag as discreetly as I could and began wrapping them around my two open cuts. I could only pray that Yukio wouldn't turn around.

Thankfully, he didn't and I was able to write Shiemi a note on a spare bit of the bandage.

Don't tell anybody. Please.

She shook her head, indicating that she wasn't going to listen to me. I felt panic flash across my face and I bit my lip, imploring her not to tell. She hesitated and finally nodded.

I gave her a small smile of gratitude and then looked back down at my arm. I rolled down the sleeve and paused. What should I do about the red stain? If I asked to be excused to go to the bathroom, somebody would be sure to see it. Although, if I didn't do anything, Yukio could turn around and see it. Even if I put my arm under the table, he would think I was doing something suspictious and I would have to put it back on the desk.

I decided to take a chance with leaving to go the bathroom and then rushing as fast as I could to get a new shirt.

"Uhh, can I be excused to go the bathroom? I don't feel so good." I asked.

When Yukio turned and saw me (my arm was now under the table) I could tell that he knew I was a bit ill. I knew I had bags under my eyes and was very pale lately so when he saw that my cheeks were very flushed and I looked absolutely exhaousted, he was forced to let me go.

I then stood up carefully so that the inside of my sleeve was pressed to my side and the stain couldn't be seen by anybody and quickly left the classroom. Once out the door, I ran as fast as I could. I realised that I wouldn't reach the dorm and get a new shirt in time so I simply had to hope that there was a spare one in the lost and found area of the cram school building.

I was halfway down the hallway when my vision went blurry again and I found myself slwoing down. Black dots seemed to be floating right in front of my face but wouldn't go when I tried to wave them away. I blinked several times before I was completely engulfed in darkness and my head hit the floor with a thud.

A/N: Ok, here is the first proper chapter of the story. I hope that it was okay. I quite enjoyed writing this chapter for some reason and it took longer to write than I thought. What I thought was half an hour of writing this and the prologue, was actually about an hour and three quarters! Please let me know whether there are spelling or grammar mistakes because I really cannot be bothered to fix them or check for them at the moment and tell me if you think it's worth continuing.

I AM (no longer) HERE!