"If Loving someone truly is a crime..."

Final draft.

This story is real and that's why i'm more scared to cater out.

So I request you all,

To stay with me

So that I don't get shattered

Before reaching the end of this story.

*Loud start

If Loving someone truly  is a crime,

Then arrest me !

Never love a girl, *go slow*

Who dies in front of you .

It all happened in ,

Kota, the suicide capital of india,

Is where I met this girl,

This time love ,

came to me in a package of five feet seven,

Who looked more a vanilla ice cream.

Moony eyes, vivacious eyelashes, cheeks so soft

And milky , it felt like I am dating an ice cream parlour.

But her dimples, yes , her dimples depicted a hidden secret.

The secret was that she'll leave me in the most bizarre way possible.

Conditioning my muse,

I saw her as one loyal girl but

she was double minded!

She says that she loves me on Monday ,

and on Tuesday, she spent her entire day with someone else

*Pause*.

Ya I know what u r thinking. Cheating , right ?

Even I thought that when she used to disappear for days and come back to me with no answer.

And As I've said before , it was the suicide capital,

and my love was in love with her depression!

It was a love triangle between me , her and her depression.

But who was depression? What did depression had that I didn't that she chooses it over me ?

Depression is like a silent netflix series, full of voiceover monologues,shot under indian ocean.

Scream*

When the piles of books got higher than our level of dreams,

When our minds were more like bookish slaves,

When our chests had a congestion of selection pressure,

That's when this co-boyfriend of my love , I mean depression, entered in our lives like a villain in every love story.

It entered and ripped off all happy chapters of my life.

These doctors say that depression is a disease. I disagree completely.

Depression according to me , is a thief. Yes , a thief,

Who stole away everything I ever had, especially my love !

To be honest, she wasn't depressed. She just needed a reason to leave me.

But her hospital bills  made me believe that's she's gonna die soon, and I somewhere made her escape away!

I was the culprit along with her books!

Whether it was 3am or 3pm, the time zone around me was pretty much similar.

It was always so tensed and stressful. And I was constantly in a wait for her calls.

And in the meantime, I started to comfort myself with the darkness of her absence,

There were some days when i'm so sad thinking about her , that I forget what it feels like NOT  to be sad .

She used to call me up only when her pocket money finishes or when she needed tablets of depwin and other drugs to calm her down .

Yes, I should have stopped giving her money.

Yes, I should have stopped paying for her death.

She asked me and how easily with simple hesitation I funded her death,

Yes I funded her destruction!

Yes I funded her death!

So if loving someone truly is a crime ,

Then arrest me !

*whisper

She was not afraid of dying,

She was afraid of living!

And now since that her last night,

Each night,

Insomnia sweeps me up in its arms,

Dumps me in the kitchen,

And make me sit on the lighting gas stove,

Just to make my pain more worse.

I learnt this when my father left me ;

How to turn anger into loneliness,

And loneliness into busyness!

And now when I m alone,

A poetic line chants in my ears that,

"Everything I love in my life, it goes away!"

And that's why I don't follow the social media inspiration of self-love, because if I start loving myself, I might live no longer!

Its been 8 lonely months since she smelled her last breath, just 8 months,

And my whole life in present looks so reinvented!

And after facing the storm of evolution or reinvention in me ,

I see these young loves making their cupids rise higher and higher,

I see this young generation of my own age loving others just the way I did back to someone.

Yet, you don't realise how lucky you are.

Atleast you have someone infront of your eyes to love you, to give you the tightest hug when needed,

Atleast you have someone infront of your eyes, to fight or even to breakup! But what about me?

My breakup was told to me by that ECG machine through its graphs and lines, and when the lines stopped bouncing,

I realised it was the end, the end of her life, and the end of my love too.

So when it comes to you , you have no idea how lucky you all are,

But i'm left alone in the populated world of yours, but I guess I deserve this loneliness, because I m the culprit of my love , and the victim as well!

So, if loving someone truly is a crime,

Then fuckin' arrest me !