Ambivalence • Jayfeather X Reader •

~Jayfeather X Reader~|23|

-Timeskip, still in flashback.-

Needless to say, they arrived at her den. Velvet gawked at how beautiful it was, Ajax bounced around it like a kit and tried catching a mouse of his own, failed, insisted not to have anyone help him, and meanwhile Fuzzball... "Is this what you eat all day? How do you even manage to survive with this? Dont you still get hungry? My twolegs feed me when ever I ask them to. They're really nice. You should live with us! It seems lonely out here..." Fuzzball keeps rambling on about how much he would enjoy to have [Y/L/N]  at his twoleg den. [Y/L/N]  could feel the same glaring of blue eyes not on her, but somewhere around her. "Our twolegs would love you! You're pretty, and strong, and you--" "Fuzzball. As nice as that sounds, I dont think ill ever be able to live in a twoleg den. Its really nice out here, even if it seems hard to live with. I can hunt when ever I want, and if I wanted company, I could visit twolegplace any time I want, too." "Does that mean you'll visit us?" Velvet asks. "No." [Y/L/N] says firmly. Even if she could visit twolegplace when she wanted to, she never wants to. She hates twolegs. They could capture her and force her to become a kittypet. "Why not?" Ajax asks. "I know you all probably have nice twolegs, but thats not the case with all of them. I dont want to be captured. You can visit me any time you want, though...?" [Y/L/N] meows, not wanting to crush their spirits. Ajaxs tail twitches with excitement and Velvet lets out an excited mew. Fuzzball also looks very excited. Like always. "Well, if you ever need anything, you're definitely welcome at my twolegs den." He invites. "Alright, Fuzzball." Velvet tilts her head to the side. "Hey [Y/L/N]? Whos that cat over there?"  Ajax, Fuzzball and [Y/L/N] look to where she was staring at. There was nobody there. "Where did they go?" Velvet gets up to look. "It was probably just another loner. Dont worry about it, Velvet." "Okay."

The cats head home and [Y/L/N] flops into her nest. "Mouse brains..." She muttered, and heard a small amused mrrow from around her. Must be her dad again, right? Who else could it be? She falls asleep, glad to have helped some cats.

-Flashback 9- 

It was a day after Zapper died. The stars were up, but the moon didnt shine the same way it always did. Even the sun wasnt as bright as she once thought it was.

She was in horrible condition.

Tears drenched her fur.

Her tail  was already matted.

She couldnt bring herself to hunt, and didnt even want to eat.

She didnt leave her den once since the incident. 

She couldnt.

She knew that if Zapper saw her like this, he'd laugh at how stupid shes being. Still grieving for a nuisance like him. This brings a small smile to her face. One that disappears after a milisecond. 

The one cat that knew hasnt seen her at all out of her den and was worried sick, but she didnt know. She thought she had nobody. She was like this before, so why was she suffering now? She'd be fine in a couple days. Or moons. She didnt really care when she would be fine. She just didnt want to go anywhere. Not a big deal. She could starve for all she cared. The one cat that hadnt left her, left. 

Maybe some moonlight would help her. 

She drags herself out of the den.

Her legs are weak; shes crawling, as if her emotional strength was just as strong as her physical. But does she care? No. Her tail isnt raised in confidence and happiness like it always was. It stays drooping against the lush grass, aset as if nothing had happen. The world has faced the outcome. Why cant she? Letting out a huff, [Y/L/N] brings herself to his grave. "You would probably yowl at me for making this too pretty for you to deserve." She meows. She longs a response. She knows she wont get one, though, but she cant help it. In her mind, she begs.

She prays.

She wishes.

She wants.

But it wont come. 

She lets out a quivering sigh and nuzzles one of the shells decorating the grave  as though it was his fur. 

[Y/W/N] is shocked to see herself like this.

[Y/L/N]  sighs as shes about to fall asleep again. She doesnt have energy. It has only been one day and she has lost all of her former hope for company and happiness. She used to be able to entertain herself, but now she found no reason to. The lack of food was slowly exhausting her one bit at a time. She usually had ate a lot. Not as much as kittypets, but she needed to for the energy. She was always bouncing and running across her territory with excitement, absolutely nothing else to do. But now? She didnt want to bounce and run. She wanted to sleep and disappear. If she did, she would go to the Cats of the Stars, and see Zapper again. Her father. Her TRUE father. 

But she couldnt.

And thats what hurt the most. 

Just about as she was about to fall asleep, a hiss was heard from behind a nearby bush. She couldnt go over to look. She was vulnerable and the other cat that said this knew it too. "If you keep continuing like this, you wont have enough energy to ever recover. Go hunting, you lazy furball. Seriously! Staying in your den all day? Do you think thats healthy?" 

She doesnt have the mind to question who it is this time. She slowly gets up and her tail swooshes gently across the grass. The dim moonlight had little effect on her, but it was enough to get her hunting motivation. She manages to catch a mouse with the small energy she had. "Just another life I watched get taken, huh?" She mutters. [Y/L/N]s about to carry it back to her den but begins sobbing. "What did I do to deserve this?" She sprints into her den, not even bothering to get the  prey. Even the mouse was frowning. In just one night, her world turned upside down, and in just one day, she herself turned upside down, too. It was later now. The one cat that knew still watched her den, not knowing if he should risk revealing himself to help her. Soon, the mouse is nudged into her den. [Y/L/N] jerks herself to look at what caused the gentle crinkle and sees it. She groans and hooks it onto her claw, and tosses it as far as she can; which isnt far.  She hears it tumbling and goes to sleep.

-Timeskip but still in the flashback-

Its not morning. Its only a few minutes after she fell asleep and something is already waking her up. The same exact mouse hits her side. "How in the stars...?"

-Flashback 10-

This must have been a few days before she got captured by the two legs; [Y/L/N] was grooming herself by the same waterfall shes been with her whole life. She was about to take a nap when she heard  an amused voice. "You missed a spot."  She reflexively jumps into the air and fluffs out her fur. "Yeah. Right there." It says. Of course, [Y/L/N] again thought it was her father. She groans and falls over dramatically. 

The flashbacks end. Wait, how long had [Y/W/N] even been sleeping? Spottedleaf wouldnt let her stay asleep for too long, and she appears again. "Sometimes even the small details matter. You wont notice them, though, and nothing ive showed you is helping!" She growls with frustration, though [Y/W/N] doubts she would actually hurt her. [Y/W/N] tilts her head slightly. "Heres a hint, [Y/W/N]: Jayfeathers mystery mate has F/C fur and E/C eyes. Figure it out yourself." With that said, [Y/W/N] wakes up to it still being dark. 

Finally; after what seemed like centuries, [Y/W/N] finally solved the omen. She never thought a cat could feel so stupid and happy at the same time. Would he want the same thing, though?