No Name

September 11th 2004

Dear no name,

There is a lot to tell you. There is this girl in my class, Alice, from my old school. She liked to make home videos in secondary school and that lead to her being badly bullied for being the ‘camera freak so transferred to another school. I thought her videos were particularly beautiful, not everyone can appreciate that. When she saw me, her deep set eyes widened greatly. She probably thought the same as me, I at first thought I had gotten away from my previous life, I was technically unknown but when I saw her. My heart sank. Alice knew everything about me, every single embarrassing detail about me.

Luna leaned into me; I could feel her breath on my skin. She looked from me to Alice and released a sigh. Luna lightly tapped my shoulder and said ‘Why the fuck is Alice in Wonderland staring at you?’

I was in a difficult position, should I lie? No, if I lie that could end badly.

“I knew her”

“Oh, you knew her?” Luna nudged Josh

“Luna!” He slammed the chalk in his hands on the wooden desk “I was working on this masterpiece and you ruined it”

“Ellie says she ‘knows’ Alice in wonderland” She ignored him

“Why do you call her that?” I hate nicknames that I didn’t understand

“she used to do crack” Josh leaned over Luna and smiled like it was an everyday thing you hear “So did many, many people-“

Luna cut him off “How do you know her, Ellie?”

They were hiding something from me.

“But I still don’t understand why you call her that?” I chewed my pencil, I could start to taste metallic graphite

Luna and Josh both looked at each other and sighed, not the type of frustrated sigh but ‘oh aren’t you silly!’ type of sigh. Josh whispered in Luna’s ear and she nodded.

“Do you know the real meaning of ‘Alice and Wonderland’?” Josh look expectantly at me

Yes, I did. I’ve read it many times before on those cold winter nights, to me it was the struggle of a girl trying to escape from her life

“Of course” I rolled my eyes a little “It’s a fairytale”

“I’ll explain the real meaning” Josh shoved Luna away from me, it was quite comical. “You know the caterpillar?”

I nodded.

He leaned closer to me and whispered “He wasn’t smoking cigarettes”

“What was he smoking then?” I laughed

He laughed loud, throwing his head back. Most people in the room turned and stared at him.

“Dope? Weed?” He patted my shoulder

“What you looking at?” Luna hissed, staring at Alice. I’ve never seen her like that.

“And when Alice bites into those mushrooms?” Josh raised his eyebrows “Magic mushrooms”

“Thanks for ruining my childhood” I continued to sketch, we were doing portraits, I was drawing Josh. He has the most exquisite jaw line I have ever seen

“Anytime” Josh smiled, he was drawing me but Luna was drawing herself. I didn’t know it was a self-portrait lesson.

“How do you know she used crack?”

“Luna” Josh teased

“We used to be friends” Luna glared at Josh, pursing her lips

I decided not to ask anymore questions, I have only known them a couple days. Asking question is good sometimes, I like to ask my Dad questions but he rarely gives a viable answer.