Daughter of Hela

A dream of happiness

"Baby you fine?"

"Yes hon. I just... I don't know I am again feeling the warmth in my heart. My heart and mind... They are calmed down and are happy... Just like that, it happened"

"Hmm that's good. I want you to be always happy"

She removed one of my hand around her and held it gently. Then she kissed my knuckles.

"I love you Lou and I will always be with you and support you"

I know. I know she loves me and will always support me. The best thing ever happened in my life is Debbie.

"I love you too Debbie. I love you too", I said and slowly lifted my head. I am looking straight into her eyes and she mine. We both moved our head simultaneously towards each other and kissed. A slow, passionate and loving kiss.

"Hmm let's go back?"

"Let's stay for a while. It's so calming here. Now I know why you take this morning walk"

She smiled at me. We sat there for a while in silence. She was kissing my forehead in between as a gesture of assuring me that she is with me and she will always be with me.

I love her. I love her more than myself. I had never been in any serious relationship before. I don't know, I was not into anyone and most of the time I didn't feel like having anyone. I was happy with my life. I needed no man or woman to make me happy. I had my best friend Debbie, our bingo and other cons... I found pleasure in those and so didn't bother having a partner or even sex. I don't know... For a brief time, I did think why I am not having that drive... But never regretted or felt bad. But during the last 6 years, without Debbie, I was out of place. I wanted her to be with me. Slowly I realised I have some feelings and it definitely is not something you will have for your best friend. I started dreaming about her every night. I know I couldn't meet her in person. She strictly warned me to stay away from jail or police. If the officers find out I am associated with her then I will also be under the radar. So, I couldn't meet her. I however sent the necessary items she needed. I know prison can be hard.

My days and nights were full of her thoughts. I was worried about her safety. The only thing I could do is rig the system. But for that I need money. My club wasn't popular back then and so I only had limited income. I started watering down the vodkas, served regular liquor in branded bottles. Fools buy anything if they see the brand names.

Day by day my feelings for Debbie became stronger. I then realised that it was always her. She was with me and that is why I never wanted anyone else. I always had her to share my feelings, my happiness and my thoughts. You only need one other person, to, you know share your years, to see you, so you can see yourself. And that one person in my life was, is and will always be Debbie. I guess without even knowing, I had given myself to her back then. But I didn't label it. Didn't know what to label. And I never knew what her feelings are towards me.

When she returned, she asked for forgiveness. I had forgiven her long back before she asked. She knew it but she wanted me to know that she truly was sorry for what happened. We grew closer than before if that was possible because we were always close. Then few days back, we shared our feelings. I would have never expressed myself. I didn't have the courage to do so, nor did I have enough strength to live if she would leave me because of my advances. It's so hard to do what you really, really desperately want in life. But she... she herself expressed first. She kissed me first. Since then, we know each other's feelings and we have acknowledged our relationship. Haven't yet disclosed to others but we will, once the time is right. We both need time to adjust to this new change. Some ideas, like what you're going to do with your life, take time to form.