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Loneliness 1/2
I actually have a lot to say and write about loneliness, but I didn't know how to start. So I just started writing. A few years ago, when I first started my puberty, I was craving attention for a number of reasons.Of course I could go deeper into the subject and explain it, but I think this is not necessary. I just want to talk about loneliness. I remember being so scared to be alone and die alone; so I would always try to increase my environment, I would leave everyone close to me.As soon as I got involved in relationships ... Now I feel strange when I remember those days; Fear of being alone could make people feel weird .. I was trying to understand a thousand somersaults in order not to be alone today, but I needn't forget myself. I wasn't supposed to forget me. So I wouldn't judge the others.
After all, I was just a teenager at that time and I started to think about such things very quickly. Instead of worrying about lessons, I was living with the worry that I would be alone. But to be misunderstood, I mean loneliness not only in bilateral relations, but also in friendship and family.I was trying to be useful for my friends, let me wear the taboos my family wore. So I wouldn't be alone. Many books I read said that loneliness was a terrible thing. My family kept telling me, "Loneliness is only for God." However, I did not know that they were afraid of being alone under that sentence ...
After years passed, I realized that there were many people around me but it wasn't enough for ne ; So no matter how many people I make friends with,this gap in me was not gone.
When I started to discover myself, I started to read more books; my interest in philosophy increased, as I read other people's thoughts
I was amazed, even though I did not agree with them.Because the environment I was in thought same, doing the same things that I liked to read and learn different ideas. As I read more, my view of some things was changing. I was learning to be aware of myself as I read more.
One day I read a word, I don't remember exactly, but he said, "If a person cannot manage to be self-sufficient, if he is not happy when he is alone, he will not be happy with others." And "what is called Happiness was within us, not in others."
I thought a lot when I read these words. What word to love myself; I didn't even like to look at myself. I hated myself. I say this without exaggeration. If you ask why, I can't explain much, but I can't go without saying that the thoughts of society had a big impact on me.
How would a girl who constantly searches for happiness could be happy by herself? I always waited for others to make me feel good, I wanted them to make me happy. But no matter what, it was not enough.
After some time, I realized that someone else would not be able to fill that gap unless I filled it. I tried to love myself; I do not exaggerate, I forced myself. I tried hard to love the person I saw in the mirror, forget the words of people who always say bad things about me and love my own character.As I started to do new things, started to read more, and started to watch more, I was discovering new things in myself. I was seeing my own thoughts forming. Then I realized that until I reached a certain age, there was no such thing as my thoughts, my ideas (!) All of them were the words of the society, my family's beliefs and the taboos of my relatives.
Turn to the other page for part 2
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pieces from my mind
Non-Fiction"It's like sorting out the pieces in my mind, revealing my soul. But I know each is worth reading."
