Inferno [avengers: endgame]

7| broken

The feeling never left my chest.

I kept thinking about Father, Tony, and so many other things. That weird hardness in my chest and stomach stayed put like a solid rock. I hated it. It made me feel loopy. I felt like I was constantly sleepy, bored, or just empty.

Rhodey and the others whispered around me. Words I didn't understand were thrown around the room like a fly buzzing. Depression. Isolation. Fear.

I wasn't feeling any of those things. Not a single one. They were just coming up with excuses. All the anger that I had previously felt towards them all formed into the rock.

It got worse when I thought about Father. I felt so mixed about him. I missed him with every fiber of my body. When I think of the sound his body made when his head was disconnected from his body, I want to curl up in a ball and never let a single person touch me ever again.

A soft knock on my door had me wrapping my blanket around myself tighter and tighter. The door opened and I shut my eyes, wanting nothing more than to go to sleep for a long time. The pit in my stomach was still growing.

Footsteps came near the bed and I peeked my eyes open.

There sat the man named Tony.

I watched him with squinted eyes, keeping track of his every move. He bent down and sat on the edge of the bed. His eyes were looking straight forward and I watched him closely. Tony wasn't crying like the last time I saw him.

"I don't blame you," he said softly. I narrowed my eyes at him. He didn't see that and continued talking. "I know what happened wasn't your fault. I just wanted you to know something. I was angry. So angry. Not at you, just at the world. We live in a shitty place, you know that?"

I kept my head down in the blanket.

"It was strange seeing you alive. I was there when you," he swallowed roughly, "died." I felt my heart rate spike. Nobody told me how I died. No one even brought it up at all. "God, I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now. I'm so sorry. I wish I could've spared you from all this pain. I know you don't remember me, and that just sucks. But, I want you to know that we ended things on a bad patch and I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you are in so much pain. I'm sorry that when you woke up I wasn't there." I felt a tear slip down my cheek at his words. I hated that I didn't know him. "I want you to know that I love you. I love you so much. I wish I could've told you that earlier."

I watched him again as he shook his head and took a deep breath. He looked like he wanted to say something, but his brain was stopping him.

"P-Peter loved you too," he said softly. The name sounded familiar and I sucked in a harsh breath. "I went to his apartment and grabbed this for you. I was going to keep it, but you need it more than I do." He lifted the blanket a little bit and placed something under it. I reached for it and my fingers curled around a cold piece of metal. "I'm leaving today. I thought I'd come and say goodbye. Pepper and I are moving to a house on the lake. If you need anything, please call me. I wanted to take you with me, but I think you'd be happier here." I almost scoffed at his words. Happy was exactly what I wasn't right now. I was feeling like a ball of nothing.

Tony patted my shoulder through the blanket and stood up, discreetly wiping the corner of his eyes. "I'm getting too old for this," he said while walking out the door. As he was almost near the door, I pushed the blankets up and watched him leave. Before he walked out completely he turned to look at me. My cheeks flushed and he smiled sadly, "Goodbye, Adira."

The room was silenced with the click of the door shutting and I peeled the blanket off the bed to reveal the gift Tony left me. It was a rectangle. I narrowed my eyes in confusion and I flipped it over. I gasped when I saw it.

I was smiling in the picture. There was a boy next to me, the boy from my head. The one with the mop of brown curls and the mischievous glint in his eyes. We were sitting next to each other on a bed, smiling hard for the camera.

Peter.

I let out a sob, a sob that I felt tear at my insides. I didn't even know why I was crying, but the harder I looked at the picture of myself and the boy, the harder I cried.

I cried for the life I left behind. The life I left looked to be one of wonders and amazement. My new one was filled with sorrow and despair.

I clutched the picture to my chest tightly, trying to grab the memory through the photo of the past.

I stood in front of my window that overlooked the compound. The outside looked happy and bright. The sun was shining and the world seemed awake for the first time in a few days. I looked down and saw a car with the trunk up. Tony was placing different items into the trunk, preparing for departure. There was a woman with strawberry blonde hair getting into the car. Tony shut the trunk and took one more look at the compound.

He shook his head and opened the door to his car. He got in and started it up before driving off. I pressed my hand against the window, my heart clenching as I watched the man drive away.

I never even thanked him for the picture.

I turned away from the window and walked to my door. I opened it and my feet my soft noises on the flooring as I walked down the hallway into the kitchen area. Only a week ago, Rhodey and I were dancing to a random song. Only a week ago, I met Tony.

I shook off my thoughts and adjusted my pajamas. I was only wearing one of Rhodey's old MIT sweatshirts and a pair of shorts that I borrowed from a woman named Natasha. I tried staying quiet, not wanting to disturb any of the Avengers. I crept through the kitchen, pausing to press my back against the wall when I heard voices in the next room.

I looked around the corner and saw people sitting around a table. The feeling in the room was dark and depressing like all the joy was sucked out of our very souls. Steve had tear tracks down his face, his hand grasping Natasha's hand like a lifeline. They all looked broken and sad. I felt my mood drop again until I remembered my father.

My father seemed to come up a lot these days. He did so much to these people. So much I can't even begin to comprehend. I have to deal with the aftermath of these people. The effect of my father's choices.

My father broke the Avengers.

May 13, 2018