«Smiling Owen»

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In about 20 minutes after meeting with Nicholas, I was walking into Emma's room in the hospital. I saw her thin body laying on the bed in the pose of embryo clearly in pain.

So many thoughts ran my head. So many goddam situations.

I put my bag on the floor near the door and carefully close it not to disturb her. Slowly walking up to her, I noticed her body shaking, her skin having goosebumps and her band-aids now covering less of her skin.

The uncovered parts were now covered with exposed wounds. Some of the cuts were stitched due to very deep harm. Some of them already started to heal. I noticed a cut hear the elbow. It was straight and deep at first but then it turned into curved and light towards the inside of the arm. I'm guessing it was her last cut before she was stopped by ambulance.

Sharp but slow, my chest started to ache as I sat down near her, covering with a blanket and touching her shoulder. She turned her face to me, only to reveal a swollen face with red eyes and tear marks on the pillow where her face just rested.

"Why did you do it" Her voice seemed so far away from her now. I didn't believe this question was addressed to me until she repeated it again but with a growl in her voice and more confidence.

"Why did you do it?!"  Her face changed into fierce and my heart started aching even more.

"I... I didn't do anything"  now, it seems as all the warmth sank in me and tears showed in my eyes as I looked into the angry eyes of a beloved friend. I backed out as she sat right up and started crying again. But not closing her eyes. Looking straight into mine.

"You... You told my parents...and now, they'll see me like this" -she opened her arms revealing as it seems hundreds of cuts.

"They're coming tomorrow... and... I don't know how I will look them in the eyes" - I saw a spark on insanity in her eyes but it was only grief. Her voice shook as my lip started shaking too.

"Why?! Why didn't you let me..." - she collapsed into my lap, holding onto the back of my coat and shaking as her voice became quieter.

"...die..." - a wave of freezing chills went through my body.

I couldn't close my eyes. Not for a second. I saw images of her sitting in her kitchen a few days ago, and not calling me then. I saw her bleeding out onto the floor and sitting there. Dead, and alone. Until her parents would come home a week later.

I sat there, with Emma holding onto me, crying, in pain, in mental agony.

But alive.

I sat with her for what seemed like hours until she fell asleep and the nurse came in to ask what happened.

Explaining the situation she nodded a few times and glanced over to Emma with sorry.

She got to the point of explaining to me that her parents are coming tomorrow, and from now on will have more time with her daughter, which means I won't see her as much as I used to.

The weight of everything happening put my head down and made my brain feel like mash potato.

The nurse pressed her lips together and put her hand on my shoulder. She looked into my eyes.

"You are a good friend. I'm sure Emma would love for you to be here as long as you can. But it's her parents time now."

I lift up my head as the breathing becomes faster and harder to do.

"Darling, everything will be okay. You can still see her. A bit less, yeah, but I will keep sure she all right. And when her parents will not visit her, I will text you to come, okay? I will keep you updated, (y/n)."

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