My Love..... My Life

Self- Preservation...

Self-Preservation...

I screamed my head off, Dad came running up the stairs and hugged me.

" It's ok my dear, it's ok...", He hugged me and started soothing me.

Every time i have a very bad nightmare it would be about the night my mother died and my father knew about it very well.

" Daddy... Dad.... Da... Daddy...", i cried very badly.

When i finished shedding tears i slept soundly hugging my dad.

I really don't know why this always happens to me. I can still see my moms eyes cold and hard looking at me. Her eyes after she died. Her still body lying on the bed , her eyes looking up at me accusing me of leaving her during her final momments. I could'nt see anything else. I just saw her and started to cry , i was so furious that she left me in this world, i couldn't bear the thought of loosing her. Shewas everything to me. She was my mother. My Mother. I just pulled out all the cotton buds and balls from her ear and nose and asked her to wake up so that we could go home. I shouted , cried , pleaded and shook her, but she didn't move. She was as still as a statue. I could hear my father telling me not to cry i didn't even know he was holding me. I just couldn't come in terms that she died. She left me alone in this world. I was 14 and even after 6 years i am still not able to overcome that days events. It still aunts me to go to a funeral. To see a dead person.

I hate it when a person calls a dead person "a body". They just tell that the body has arrived from the morgue or that the body looks as if she/he is sleeping. Even if that person has no breadth he/she is the same person not some vegetable, we hold memories of them , how they were, who they are and what they mean to their loved ones even now. They last forever in evey persons memories. They never cease to exit. They live in our hearts and souls even if they arn't present in flesh and blood. They become a part of us after they leave us.

Even when they are with us we don't feel it but when they leave us they create a crater in our lives which can never be filled. I want to hang on to those pleasant memories i have. I still want my mother , to be with me, to hold me whrn i cry, to see her smile eveytime i return home from school, to play shuttle cock with her, to tell her my secrets- the only person whom i trusted with everything, she knew me in and out. I told her everything, each and every detail that happened to me during my time at school. I want to share even whats happening now with her, but its just not possible, to see her smile, with those dimples that makes everyone smile, to see her looking at my dad like he was the most exquisite being in this world, to eat the food that she cooked, to lay on her lap , to lick her cheeks and get scolded for that, to show her my grades, to do everything together, to be loved and cared by her was one thing that i miss till date. To be held and hugged by her, that warm hug which tells me that there is always a place where i'll be loved till the end. That place that tells me nothing is more valuable than me to her, to be her universe. Thats what it is to be loved.

I was never able to get over her death. Never.

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So the next day i got up in the morning and went through my normal routine, when i started my car i got a call from Keira asking me to pick her up and so i drove to her house.

I reached her house and got off my car and rang the bell. Her mom opened the door.

" hi aunty, where is your daughter", i asked her.

" She's up inher room, Mia", she answered smiling.

" is that pancakes that i smell???" , Kiera's mom makes the worlds best pancakes.

" have some, i made blueberry today"

"yummmm yummmm" , i loved her mom and she also treated me like her daughter and she spoils me more than she does to Kiera.

I sat on the couch with my plate full and started to dig in when Ms. Kiera came crashing down the stairs and hugged me. I hated her for that since the plate fell down and broke spilling pancakes and syrup everywhere.

" Aunty look what your daughter just did", i called from the couch and her mom came out from the kitchen. When she saw the mess that we had made she started laughing. I always wonder whether her mother ever gets angry.

" go have fun at school you two and have some breakfast", she told us with concern and kissed us both goodbye.

" what the hell was that about??", i asked Kiera as i started the engine.

" yesterday Dave Proposed to me and i accepted", she told cooly.

" wwhhaatttt aaarree yyyooouu ttaallkkiinngg aabboouut", was y reaction and hit the breaks.

Dave was this senior of ours and he's handsome enough. He's the college basebal captain and many girls have had eyes for him since the first day of college. I knew that Dave liked Kiera since Dave is a friend of mine and i've always encouraged him to take Kiera out. Guess yeaterday was that lucky day.

" okkkkk so is it subway or McD", i asked and she knew immedeately that it was for a treat.

" Evening McD", he told me.

" how about Friday night at Breezers??/" , Breezers is this night club where we used to go after a long hard month or sometimes just for fun.

"cool idea, i'll ask Dave", she told me and we started to talk about yesterday.

We reached school and i saw Lance coming over , he wore a jean and a hoodie, must tell , Lance was surely a sight to behold.

" hey Mi, we're having lunch together coz i've this report i havn't finishned yet"

" Which report are you talking about??"

" the report on our field trip, its due today"

"what???????? When did he tell this???"

"what can i do if u slept during the presentation, he told this after that"

" oh god, help me. K see you at lunch" , i told Lance and he grinned at me.

I went to class and every class was a blur. I have never forgotten a single submission or delayed it in my lifetime and i guess my interals will go dowm this time due to this report. Mr. Vince dosn't seem to be the easy going type.

When i thought about Mr. Vince, immediately the scene from yesterdays bus came flashing in front of my eyes. How he held me and saw me inthe eye, how his bulge made me uneasy and at the same time horny. Thinking about that itself drenched my underwear. I thouhgt i was gonna combust with want at that moment.

Then the bell signalling lunch went off and i started for the cafeteria. When i got in i filled my plate with salad and took a pie with a coke and headed for the table where Lance was sitting with his head buried in the paper

" wazzup and why do you look tense" i asked eating my pie.

" nothing , just that i dont remember anything from yesterday", Lance whinned.

" we'll see to it and why havn't you bought lunch Mr.", i asked angrily.

" well i was just worried, i don wanna be marked black in the beginning of my college life , itself and by the way your lunch is more than enough for me", he said snatching my plate.

" hey get your own grub, i'm famished", i said and we started fighting over our food.

We were still fighting when the bell rang signalling it was time for biology and we still hadn't ven written a single word for our assignments. Surely we are gonna get screwed in the beginning of our college life itself and i was cent percent sure of it.

"Mia, what are we gonna do??", he asked me, eyes wide.

" i'm going to skip class and mail my report to him", i said

" Good try , but i need you in class right now", came the reply from behind me.

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Sry guys had soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much work to do. 

Enjoy the book and pllllzzzzz forgive the typos 

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Love ya....... ? ? ? ?<3 <3 <3