Searching for Home

Chapter 1: Searching

Searching

The summer sunlight enveloping the fifteen year old girl's room, she sighs sitting in her paper covered desk with ear buds in her ears singing to her gentle melody flushing out the sound of angry pained adults. Waiting head down on her desk eyes closed wishing an unlikely change to take her away, before the dark void in her heart does. Accepting that would never happen, she lazily spills her grief onto the papers laying in front her and continues to daydream.

Graphite streaks after another she writes out pieces of her heart hidden in similes and metaphors and illustrates her trapped emotions through beings, colors making her true feelings visible. When her wrist turns numb and begins to ach, she spaces out. Her eyes sparkling with desire and ideas of what awaits for her if she were just to push her fears away and do what she wanted. But she's scared to make mistakes, having learned the hard way that a small action could cause a large outcome. Her parents could take it from her with a word and hit.

Sighing, she wants her eighteenth birthday to be today, not three months later. If she could just run away from home with parents who only did their job financially and chore-wise, the school with students who never saw her from inside and judged her shell. Yet, she didn't care, her shallow classmates didn't matter to her, she despises people who only treat others based on appearance. Though, sometimes their ignorant words did hurt from time to time. Sometimes she nearly cried but every time she wanted to disappear from the world so that there would be no more pain to feel.

However, she needs to push forward if she wants to accomplish her dreams. She smiles determined to do well for her future. Packing her things for school and grabbing her journal, sketchbook, and a reading book to entertain her before class and during lunch she heads down stairs. Without earbuds she can hear every word her parents shriek and the sound of someone being punched and kicked leaves her eyes dark and her heart empty. The colors she felt in her drawings are being sucked away by the waves of grief drowning her but despite the pain ripping at her heart she reminds herself to push through it all. She needs to be strong; she can't give up her future because of this!

Walking head down through the streets of Austin, Texas pinching her palms because the crowded streets causes anxiety to make her head spin and body quiver but partly also because the sun was eye piercingly bright and so hot to the point that it made her thirsty and nearly causing sunburn on her pale skin. This is summer for Texas and she couldn't wait for the day when she where to move out.

As she steps on to the school campus forcing her head up and had putting on her best mask of bravery accompanied with piercing glare. She needed to look courteous and cold, if not then she would become her classmates' rag doll. Recalling a painful memory she froze grabbing fistfuls of her with large fearful eyes.

"I saw what she drew, it was something so disturbing. I don't even want to talk about it," scoffed the voice of a teenage boy.

She remembers the fake and obnoxious laughter from the girls that soon followed.

Just forget it, just forget it. She pants.

I don't know why she even bothers to try writing when all of her writings suck. It's rather pathetic. I've took a peak of one her pieces.

No.

Look, a pathetic loner.

Her gaze, it's creepy. I had even heard some rumors about her, she sounded so gross and scary. Well at least her ugly looks wouldn't help her in anyway.

I heard that the teachers even offered to help her better herself but she

refused. Just what's wrong with her?

"Stop!" She yells, emotions controlling her.

Everyone's gazes immediately shift towards her in surprise and fear of her sudden outburst.

"They're all just rumors," she whispers to herself hoping at least one student could hear her soft breathy voice but she knew that no one could.

At that moment, her last string of self control snaps as a girl mutters, "what's wrong with her?"

Then they're too many, their whispers and unreadable expressions making her mind into even more of a mess that it originally was. It's too much; she needs to disappear like the silent girl she is during class.

Yet, even silence can't make one invisible as she dashes through the halls with teachers chasing after her as they command her to walk. Though, she doesn't care, she just wants to sit alone at her first period desk and write her bottled up emotions into her journal until class begins.

Down a corridor she passes a student smirking at her. She decides to ignore him though she loses her last nerve as she hears him call her a curse. Her quick feet stop and she turns around pinching her palms, twitching with rage. She doesn't notice what she's about to do as his eyes widen in fear as she lunges towards him holding up her first-, however a teacher grabs her arm and she's dragged into the office.

"Aisling, I haven't seen you get trouble. I didn't even think that it would be like you to nearly punch a student in the face. I think that this is your first time getting dragged into the principal's office this semester. You're usually well behaved, I don't know what's gotten into you but it has to stop." The administrator's voice bounced off the walls ringing in her ears. It felt strange for her to get a scolding in school even she was surprised by her actions.

Realizing what she nearly done her fierce eyes shine with regret and fear. She couldn't be like him; she also wasn't supposed to remember.

"Father."

His hard fingers curled into a first as she could only watch frozen in fear. She turns to run but she's too late, his fist had already slammed against her skull causing her unbearable pain resulting in her loud pained sobs.

"I'm sorry sir. I promise not to do it again." She said ashamed of her actions.

She then turned away and walked to class not noticing the blonde girl staring at her with a shocked yet amused expression on her face smiling at her with warm eyes.