Dear Future Husband

June 30, 2019

"So now you're turning my decision to invite you to prom even though I didn't want to go into me being selfish?" I scoffed. "Hell, if that's the case then Jesus is selfish for giving to the poor."

"It's not just that, Grant." She looked over at me, anger in her eyes. "I'm, like, like a doll to you. You use me when you want to then just toss me away when there are more important things. I feel like I'm controlled at your whim. Everything from telling the school about Brad to trying to pull me away at the party has been you pushing me to fit what you want to do and I don't get a say! And when I want some room, you push back and get what you want again and again and I guess it's my fault for letting you."

"So you're mad that I helped you with Brad? You're mad that I tried to keep you from doing something stupid at the party?"

"Yes! I am mad! I'm mad that I feel like I have no say sometimes! And if I do get a say, you take it into consideration and sometimes act on it if it's convenient for you! I'm sick of it Grant, I'm sick of feeling belittled by you all the time. I should be your equal and your partner and you've turned into my master it feels like."

I pulled into Alina's neighborhood and pulled over because I was about to run the car into a tree. "Well I'm sorry that you just can't stick up for yourself and let me know when I'm making you feel that way."

Her eyes grew to the size of moons and a little voice in the back of my head told me that probably wasn't the best choice of words but I was so fired up at this point I couldn't back down.

"I can't stick up for myself?! What the hell does it looks like I'm doing right now?! Talking to myself?!"

"Well you're a day late and a dollar short, honey." I spat with bitterness coating my tongue.

She scoffed, sitting back in her seat. "You just don't get it do you? The whole point of a relationship is the fact that we're supposed to work together. We're supposed to listen to each other and support each other and I feel like none of that is happening."

"Then this doesn't sound like much of a relationship now does it?" The words felt weird on my mouth. It didn't feel right, yet I knew exactly what I was saying.

She looked taken aback by this. "I..." Tears started creeping into her eyes and she turned away before I could see them, but she was too late.

I took a deep breath, staring at the wheel. "I'm leaving in a few days and I'm going to be gone for three weeks." I said quietly.

She sniffled, looking over at me still holding back her tears like she was the Hoover Dam. "What's that supposed to mean?" She asked quietly.

"I'm going to Malibu for vacation." This is the part where I fuck up. This is the part I have regretted since I said it and this is the part where I lose the best thing that has ever happened to me. "I think we should take a break."

She looked surprised at this and I wasn't sure why, our argument had seemed to lead here and I thought we were on the same page, but I guess we weren't which was going to make this even harder. "You're done? You're ready to just give up?"

"I don't see how this is going to fix itself when we're in different states," I said back. "It's just not practical and I think we both need a little breather."

"I don't need a breather," She said quietly, swallowing hard. "I want to work this out, okay?"

"Alina, you just screamed at me for not listening to you." I said, my voice starting to raise. "I heard what you had to say and it was all negative about what a shitty guy I am! I don't know what you want! You say one thing then you tell me another! You say that you only want me and you flirt with my friends! You say you want to go to prom then you tell me I'm selfish for bringing you to prom! You say that our relationship isn't what a relationship should be, yet you tell me you still want a relationship, and I can't tell what the right decision is anymore!"