Dissonance - Book One

thirty-eight

"Nooooo!" I scream at the top of my lungs, jumping up to a sitting position.

"Ever, relax. It was just a dream. You're having a nightmare again."

Lex and Wyler are staring at me, eyes filled with both confusion and concern. We're pulled over on the side of the road. I must have drifted off and they decided to stop somewhere along the way. I wonder how long I've been out, how far we've traveled. The route my aunt mapped out for us, took us off of the main freeway. It's a less direct path and will take us much longer, but I trust that there's a reason my aunt suggested we stay on the back roads. Lex tried to fight me on it, but I insisted that we follow the route my aunt laid out. To my surprise, Wyler agreed with me, so Lex didn't push it.

"Sorry," I say, embarrassed by yet another outburst in my sleep. "I hardly slept last night. I feel like I'm losing my mind."

Lex and Wyler give each other a look as if they agree with that last statement.

"Here," Wyler hands me a bottle of water. "Have some. You're all sweaty."

"No thanks," I wave his offer away. "I just need some fresh air." I feel flustered and embarrassed. I need a moment to myself.

"Do you want some company?" he asks.

"No," I shake my head. "I just need a minute." Wyler's company is the last thing I need right now. I just want to clear my head and being around him makes my brain cloudy.

I hop down from the truck and step out into the desert. The chilly evening air hits my skin and I shiver. Goosebumps cover my arms and I rub them to warm up. The temperature is dropping quickly. We've been driving most of the day, other than a couple stops to use the bathroom and stretch our legs. It's getting dark. The sky is nearly black, but the light of a thousand stars illuminates the sandy desert that stretches out before me. It reminds me of the many times my father took me camping when I was younger. It was just he and I, cooking hot dogs and marshmallows in front of a roaring fire, under a blanket of stars. I remember feeling so safe, cuddled up in my sleeping bag, next to him in our tiny two-person tent. As I look out over the vast landscape, I wonder if I'll ever feel that sense of safety again.

From behind me, I hear footsteps approaching and I know it's Lex. She never has been good at listening to what others want.

"I really do just want to be alone," I say, turning towards her.

"I know," she says, ignoring my request, because she knows me well enough to understand that even though I said it, it doesn't mean that's what I really want, or need.

"Here," she tosses a blanket over my shoulders. That's the thing about Lex; she cares, even if it's hard sometimes for her to show it. It's a side of her that she only shares with me, and in a weird way, it makes me feel special, like I'm the only person she'll let see who she really is.

I wrap the itchy wool fabric around my arms, keeping my eyes on the horizon. Dark peaks rise above the land. A mountain range looms large in the distance.

"So what's going on with you?" she inquires.

Is it that obvious? Has she figured out what I've done, what Wyler and I have done? This is the most time the three of us have spent together in a while. It has been hard being in such close quarters with Wyler and pretending like nothing happened. I've always been a bad liar, especially when it comes to Lex. In fact, I think this is the first time I've ever really kept something from her.

"Nothing," I reply, staring at my shoes and kicking the dirt. I keep my answer short and my eyes anywhere from meeting hers. I can feel her staring at me.