Late night Saturday thoughts:
It's really difficult to articulate the way I feel.
I want to escape into a fantasy. One of the books I have read... where I have friends who love me and who I love. Ones who care about having fun, who love movies and emotion and whom I can talk to on a deeper level. Ones who are sweet and kind, funny and love rap.
And in my dreams there is always a boy. A beautiful boy who can love me the way I want, the way I so desire. I do pray for him to come into my life.
I pray desperately to God, give me a sign. Please. Everyday I pray.
With every passing day of nothingness that happens. It makes me feel sad and more depressed. Like all the opportunities for love and friendship get just pulled right from underneath my feet.
I desire someone so badly. Someone who lasts. Someone who cares about me.
For not only are my friends giving me stress, it's the fact that there's not one person who cares about me completely. Is it because I haven't found myself completely? I still don't know who I am.
All I ask for is someone who makes me laugh. Someone who brightens my day, brings a new perspective to my life, who loves to be adventurous.
There seems like not a single person cares about me truly. Every person is fleeting, every friendship ends in nothing and betrayal.
I wonder why this is happening. Not only is my family life not okay, but I have no one to lean on.
How am I supposed to study and commit myself to anything? I need someone to turn my life around. Desperately, I need something to look forward to. That can be a person, a place I can go where I'm surrounded by people who love me.
But I'm alone in this big city. I'm all alone, slogging through my work. I've been like this for months and it's made me so anxious.
I don't feel beautiful, I don't feel like anything. No one looks at me.
Why is life so unfair? Why is there not even SOMETHING in my life I can look forward to?
The only thing I have left to do is pray and wait.
YOU ARE READING
BOOK 1: The Monster Within Me
Fantasy*"And I knew he could hurt me, again and again. And I would come back to him, again and again. Because I needed him, more than he needed me. And he simply did not know, the way I loved him." * It is the year 2035, but the world is the exact same as...
