all it takes to remember

The other side of the door

Matthew's p.o.v

That dreadful Night...........
.......16th November 2015.

     It was really cold outside so I had decided to postpone the meeting with the other doctors till the next morning. If only I had known...... I left the house 3 days before. Because I thought that Bethy and I needed a break. We weren't doing good, and I knew that if I didn't leave, my anger would have driven me to do something much more dreadful, than what I had already done. I Had loved Bethy sooo much, but these days it was getting harder and harder to love her, the way I used to. I remember the last night before I left the house..........

"I know you more than you think I do, Matt!" She kept screaming at the top of her voice.
"Then why don't you tell me what you think I did huh?"
"You want me to say it in front of ruby, is that how stupid you are?!"
"I don't know what you are talking about Bethany, but I advice you stop this now!"
"Even my own husband keeps lying to my face!! How can you?!" She had tears trickling down her face.
" I know you've been sleeping with Camilla, I know it!!."
"What?! For goodness sake I have never done such a thing! How could you even say such a thing ?! She's your own sister!"
" She said it to my own face!How could I not believe her! You never come home early from work anymore, you never answer your own phone and I found a kiss stain on your coat!! Do you still lie to my face after all this?!"
The anger inside me boiled sooo much, that I didn't know when I slapped her. only when I had felt the sting on my own hands did I realize what I had just done. even ruby had began to cry now.
"Bethany, I'm.....I'm..... sor-"
"Get out of my life!!!!!"She was crying so hard now, and screaming even louder. " you raise your hand to slap your own wife in front of your daughter!!! You're a devil!,A cheat!, you're everything that ever hurt my life!!!"
And with that she left the house with ruby. That was the last time I ever saw her.......but I didn't know it would be.

       I knew that I had to pack my things and go, maybe for some days or even a week, I just needed to stay away. I couldn't stand being accused wrongly and most of all, I couldn't stand the guilt that hunt me. I had just hit my own wife, so hard, I was sure it was going to leave a Mark. What got into me? Camilla and I were friends, Camilla had tried to seduce me once or twice, but I always made it clear to her that I belonged to someone else. She never quite got the concept and she kept forcing herself all over me, until I totally blocked her out of my life. I never knew she would also try to ruin my marriage. But still, I expected more from Bethany. How could she just have easily believed all what that wench told her. I already told Bethany about Camilla and her intentions towards me, so she should have known right from the start that it was all a lie, because really I loved Bethy so much, I was willing to hurt anyone who hurt her. Instead I ended up protecting her too much, I forgot that I could inflict pain as well.

        On the 16th of November 2015, I sat in the house I had rented, that night  still refusing to accept the fact that what I did was wrong, to Bethy and to ruby as well. It was really very cold that day, the fire was making a crackling sound at the fire place in the corner, I sat on a comfy chair beside my bed, turned on the radio and opened my book- " Talent is never enough" by John c. Maxwell. 30 minutes into the book, I was called by a good friend of mine and told that Bethy and ruby where involved in a fatal car accident on the northern bridge, which left both of them dead. The news came to me like an electric shock that passed through my whole being, and immediately I fell to the ground. I couldn't feel my legs anymore. The two people that made my world where gone, gone as easy as........as nothing. I couldn't fathom what was going on. It didn't even occur to me that my legs were now paralyzed, but I just lay there, absorbing  all the defeat and pain that came along with the drastic news. I had waited for the ground to open and swallow me in, but even the ground wouldn't spare me from this deep pain I was feeling somewhere in my heart. Bethy and ruby were gone. And I never even got to see their faces again, not even .....one.......last.......Time.

      The paralysis I had on my legs occurred every time I heard shocking news like this one, and it usually lasted days before it let up. So, By the time I was able to walk, I was already informed by Camilla, that a funeral had already been conducted by Bethany's family. Bethy's dad died when she was 14 and shortly after Bethy finished high school, Bethy's mom remarried. Bethy always told me how she knew that her mom had some how, made a mistake by choosing to get married to Mr Schaeffer. "He's a beast waiting to devour anyone who gets in his way" she once called him. Bethy never got along with her step family. All she wanted was a life far away from them. But Destiny had something else to say about that. When Beth was 23 her mum died of a cancer. It was dreadful. Bethy's step father sold the house and all the wonderful belongings in it without even telling her, of course Camilla would have known. Then he began to talk about building a motel with the money he made for the house. He built the motel and shortly after, he died mysteriously, leaving his brother to manage the business. It was also strange how he built such a massive business and left nothing in his daughter's name. Everything must have been taken away by her aunts and uncles.

      Bethy and I where already dating about 2 years after that, when Camilla came begging for help, she told us how barren her life had been since her father died and begged for help. We mercifully gave her all the help she could have ever needed and in return Camilla began to show some love of sort back to her step sister. They became almost inseparable. Like the true sisters they never where. But the day Bethy introduced me to Camilla as her step sister, It turned out that the girl I had almost married a long time ago was my present fiance's sister.  I didn't know how to approach Camilla, mostly because I had let go of her, but Camilla never let go of me. She kept on sending love messages, even after I had insisted many times that I'm moving on. Camilla didn't quite seem to understand why I would marry her sister instead of her, so she began to take it out on Bethy, and just as easy as they became loving sisters, .......they also became brutal enemies.

      After the accident, I had moved on 2 years without seeing Bethy's face or even ruby's. I had assumed that all this time they were dead,.......Until five years ago. I encountered someone in a surgery who looked just like Bethy. She had beautiful velvet hair, just like Bethy did, and when she opened her eyes I was sure she was Bethy, but with her features coated in blood, she might have as well also been someone else.
And out of fear, fear for my life, fear for my sins and fear for the consequences of my mistakes, I spent those five years running away and convincing myself that the Bethy I knew was dead. I wanted her alive, but convinced myself that she was dead, Because the only way I could ever keep moving on in this life, is with the knowing, that Bethy is in a place where she would never feel the pain of the things I did to her, ........The way I treated her.

       But now, ......now that I had a conversation with her, now that I know she doesn't know who I am anymore, now that she puts on contacts and wears a wig as well, Now that my heart feels so happy but overwhelmingly sad, now that I am almost sure that God is giving us another chance, now that I know all this and more, I am still utterly clueless at what life has for me, for Bethy, my love,.........at the other side of the door, Because, I feel that if I ever had the chance to see it, I would begin running away,.......even faster,this time.