all it takes to remember

starting a new life

Bethany's  p.o.v.

"Here's your order ma'm" I remembered to say it with a smile this time. Mr Timothy says that it always keeps the customers coming.
Everyday almost seems, well...different. it's been like this since... since I left the hospital. I stray away from remembering that period, it makes me feel the pain all over again. Thank God for Sarah,I might  as well be miserable by now. Each time I remember all that she's done for me, well, I owe her my life. It's been five years now, a miraculous five years at that. "I thank God for your life" Sarah keeps telling me that. She always made it sound like I was at the brink of death, but to be honest, I don't remember much of it.
I lost my memory. All of it.
Everything that happened before the night at the hospital is all gone. After the incident I was told that my name was Bethany and that I was involved in a tragic incident that damaged some important parts of my brain. Weeks after the accident, message came from other doctors that they found traces of specific chemicals from the blood tests. This began a whole new situation. They suggested that I had been deliberately injected with a drug that was meant to destroy my brain, but they couldn't figure out why I was found on the streets that night - another thing that I couldn't even remember. Ever since then, I've had to hide behind contact lenses and under a wig to avoid danger. Sarah said it was the best thing to do because whoever drugged me might still be on the lookout, especially with the news that I survived airing out.
It's been hard. I never quite admit it to anyone not even Sarah, because it makes me feel like a selfish brat. I begged God that I should survive. I didn't want to die, I didn't want my life to end just like that, even though the pain I felt said otherwise, I fought to get to my real emotions. I'm forever thankful that he listened to me. Sarah told me that God hates to see his children in pain and  that's why he  sent his son Jesus to bear the pain for us. It all made me love him the more. One of the reasons why I'm still very thankful to Sarah is because she reminded me who God is. I would have lost all hope and forgotten him but she didn't give up on me and kept on reminding me that God loves me. Every time I admit that life is hard, I feel selfish. God answered my prayer and gave me life and now I complain that life is hard. It makes me feel selfish. So selfish that I feel ashamed to even talk to him. I love Jesus and I hate doing things that get him angry. He suffered for me so maybe I should suffer for him too.
"Excuse me miss" I snapped out of my thoughts to find a man staring curiously at me.
"Oh, I'm very sorry, I didn't realize. Please may I take your order?"
"One coffee latte please"
" that would be £5 sir"
"Here you go. You can keep the change"
"Oh thank you sir and here's your order, have a swell day" I was rather surprised. Here in Wessex you don't see a lot of people who offer you their change. In fact a lot of people are quite strict with their change. He looked quite a decent man, of course he'll offer his change I thought to myself.

I was rather exhausted when it was time to close. Working in the cafe sure isn't as wonderful as you'll think it is. Reaching the apartment, I took a quick glance at the shaggy looking three story building. Leaking water pipes, dangling window panes, the roof was gradually washing away, but where else could I call home. I've lived in here for three years now and well to me, I think it's worth calling home. Maybe because it's the only home I could ever remember. I have elderly neighbours, noisy neighbours and all that and these are the people I've considered my family for three years now, since I don't remember any other family or maybe since they Don't remember me. No one really came to look for me after that day at the hospital. No one except Sarah. Maybe she's the only family I ever had. But of course I would have had a mother and a father, maybe they died long before that time. These thoughts keep going through my mind. It's better that I don't even think of it. I thought while unlocking the door. I mean, I can't even imagine meeting some woman for the first time and hear her  claim that she's my mother. It's probably not going to do my head any good. The days have been like this. thinking about what my past could have been. Sarah told me that we met while shopping for some items at the grocery store and then we talked a little, exchanged phone numbers and that was it. Till she was called 2 hours later that I was found battered on the streets and rushed to the hospital. I've wondered what could have transpired between those 2 hours. Investigators said that my phone was taken away except a little piece of paper which had Sarah's number on it. I guess I must have written it there somehow.

After so much thinking I finally collapsed on bed and waited for sleep to take over.
And it began again. The scenario that always plays out just before I sleep. A little girl's muffled screaming. Sounding as if her mouth was being covered by someone.
"Lord please do something"  that voice. That voice that keeps replaying in my head every time.
"Lord please help me. Help her"
Immediately I woke up realizing something.
Something familiar.
Wasn't that the same voice I heard at the cafe today?