Hero (Destiel AU)

Late Night Confessions (Self Harm!)

It was starting to get late, so Dean and Meg got a room for two at a motel in Edmond, Oklahoma. Although, Dean was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to sleep. He knew he'd just have that nightmare again. As he laid on the bed, trying to sleep, Meg spoke up.

"Dean?"

"What?" Dean muttered.

"There's something you outta know."

"What is it?"

"Well, soon after I dumped Jimmy, I found out something. I'm pregnant with his demon spawn."

Dean was too tired to react, so he just mumbled, "Whatever, I'm trying to sleep."

"Two and a half months now. I think I'm gonna keep him. Teach him to hate his father."

"How do you know it's a boy?"

"That's just how I picture him. My little Lucifer."

"Lucifer?"

"It was my father's name. He died in a prison cell. He rebelled against society, and I admired him for that. He wanted to follow his own path, and no one sided with him. Except me and my sister, Ruby. I never knew my mother. The closest thing to a mother figure I've ever had was Ruby. What about you? Any family?"

"Just my brother Sam and my half brother, Adam. My mother died when I was four. And my dad died just a few years ago."

"And your blue eyed angel." Dean looked at her.

"Yeah. My blue eyed angel. My last chance at happiness." A tear slid down his cheek.

"We should rest. Long trip ahead." Dean sighed and closed his eyes.

"Yeah. See you in the morning."

~

He pointed the gun at Dean.

He put his finger on the trigger.

Cas pushed Dean out of the way.

BANG!

Cas hit the pavement.

Dean awoke with a start. It didn't even surprise him anymore. He knew he'd have that nightmare.

It was 7 in the morning, too early for Dean. Though he knew it was pointless to stay in bed. He wouldn't be able to sleep now, and they still needed to find Jimmy.

He checked Jimmy's location. He was in the same place thankfully. It would just be a couple hours now, as long as there were minimal delays.

The pain of what happened to Cas was unbearable. He didn't want to deal with it. He made sure Meg was still asleep before taking a small knife and locking himself in the bathroom.

He held it to his wrist and slowly sliced through his skin. Tears ran down his face like how the blood fell from his wound.

He clenched his fist, the blood flowing down his forearm. He repeated the cutting process a few times until he had a whole row of cuts down his wrist. He had only done this once before.

When his father died.

He curled up on the bathroom floor and sobbed quietly. The pain in his wrist was like a tickle compared to the pain in his broken heart. He didn't care about the pain in his wrist.

The pain distracted from the pain.

He cleansed the floor of the grotesque bloodstains and bandaged his wrist. He looked at himself in the mirror and realized just how horrible he looked.

His hair was disheveled, his eyes were bloodshot, and he was so pale he looked sickly. He looked like Nick Nolte's mugshot.

He smiled to himself at the comparison, but the grin didn't last long. He knew Cas would've laughed at that. He laughed at all his jokes. A tear formed in the corner of his eye at the thought of his angel, but he wiped it away before it could fall.

He and Meg got ready and went out to the Impala. And, as much as it killed him to admit it, he was in no condition to drive. It seemed like too much effort now.

He sat in the passenger seat while Meg drove. He just stared out the window looking depressed. And feeling depressed. And all of a sudden, the words to a song popped in his mind.

"I can be your hero, baby.

I can kiss away the pain.

I will stand by you forever.

You can take my breath away."

He never realized how exhausting vengeance could be. He felt himself slowly drifting into unconsciousness, ready to sleep just so that he could pretend he was dead.