Anatomy Of Love (Camren Fanfiction)

Chapter 11

"Mi hija,escúchame," Sinu replied. "Each day means a whole new twenty-four hours to make new moments and to have new experiences. You have to live in the moment and not get so caught up on what the future may bring. Tomorrow is promised to no one. Live in the now, mi hijita. If Mila makes you happy, why not try something new?"

Lauren carried the phone back to the window and gazed up at the flickering patterns made by the sun in the trees. One thought replayed in Lauren's head, sat beneath the surface waiting to be asked. "I don't think I'm not enough for her," Lauren wondered aloud, insecurity plagued her thoughts. "I mean, the way she looks at me... she looks at me like... I'm on this pedestal. And that's an incredible amount of pressure. I just don't feel like I'll ever be enough."

"She's not looking for you to be enough," Sinu replied in a gentle voice. "She sees everything you truly are and won't let you settle for being anything less. She looks at you like you're extraordinary because you are, Lauren. She's just waiting for you to believe it."

"But I'm not..." Lauren heard the way her voice cracked in that. As much as it annoyed her, once again Lauren's insecurities bubbled to the surface, the one thing that kept her from delving into the unknown territory of the new relationship. The issue of not being enough haunted her. The constant thought that maybe she deserved to be alone, that every important walked out of her life, that she was undeserving of Camila.

"Your inability to digest a compliment worries me," Sinu said, breaking Lauren away from her self-deprecating thoughts. "If you had a person in your life treating you the way you treat yourself, you would have gotten rid of them a long time ago."

"You're right," Lauren agreed. The subject depleted Lauren of all her energy. Her whole body felt stiff and heavy, her movements leaden.

"Mike and Clara were over for dinner the other night. They told me that they never hear from you," Sinu stated. "Perhaps speaking to them, having an honest conversation about the way they've treated you and your feelings on the matter will give you some clarity in your relationships going forward."

Lauren snorted. "Al perro que duerme, no lo despiertes (Let sleeping dogs lie). My parents are set in their ways. My father is a chauvinistic pig who believes all women are inferior and that their only goal in life should be to get married and have children." Lauren's chest expanded as she took a deep breath. "We have nothing in common. He doesn't believe that I could make it as a doctor. What kind of father doesn't encourage their own child? He always said that female doctors are useless because they are too emotional and don't think with logic," she said incredulously. "I can be just as successful as any man and I shouldn't have to shrink my abilities in order to appeal to theirs. The fact that I got into Harvard when my own father couldn't proves enough. Why should I try to resolve things if I know my parents will never change their ideals? Why hurt myself in the process when I could just avoid them?"

Speaking about her parents caused Lauren's chest to tighten. She thought of her father's nightly drunken rants where he cursed God above for taking his only son and leaving him with a daughter. She's just a girl, he would scream, his angry voice rattled the walls of their home. Mike was never physically abusive, but he had been emotionally abusive towards Lauren, and his words cut like a knife. It wasn't always what he said that was the worst part; it was the rejection in his gaze, and the cold quiet that usually followed his disappointment in her. They were biologically connected, but emotionally they were as distant as two people could be. Clara tried to act as a buffer between them but at the end of the day, she supported her husband and remained in his shadow.

Lauren bit the inside of her cheek as she stared a hole into the wall. "They aren't apart of my life anymore and I don't see the need to rehash the past. I'm ready to move on and my relationship with my parents shouldn't affect Camila. I won't let it," she retorted, trying to keep her irritation from showing in her voice.